16 Again

They say time travel does not exist.

But I turned back the clock

and woke up on the other side

of sixteen.

I am in a daze that will not let up

with a stomach that will not settle.

​

I have gone back years,

resembling a younger me,

trying to catch the eye

of the senior soccer star

during the calamity between bells.

I waited, leaning against lockers

as red as the throbbing blood in my veins,

until he finally looks my way,

holds my stare.

5 seconds last a lifetime—

I pretend it is effortless.

I wander to my next class,

somehow to the right room,

at the right hour.

I take a seat and turn to jelly...

I have no idea how I passed,

or how I made it through a first

then second date,

to find myself straddling him

in his parent’s basement.

I have a new respect for teenagers.

​

I am simmering beneath the surface.

I have chills and am mistaken

for catching a fever.

I smile a lazy grin, say I’m fine,

as I stir in 4x the correct amount

of baking soda

into pancakes I have made

time and time again.

​

They end up bitter—

I can’t even finish one.

I’m still smiling.

......

;)