My doctor told me to stop masturbating
I ask for how long
"At least until I'm done with your exam"
Posted Jun 25, 2021, 3:29 PM UTC
4.5K72
Jokes on you, my doctor said I could have a stroke at any time
89
Take my upvote and get lost.
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Im only pulling your leg doc!
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My doctor told me I could have a stroke at any moment.
So I started masturbating.
28
LOL.
2
Boy walks in on his dad masturbating.
The dad says, don’t worry son, this is perfectly normal , you’ll be doing it soon.
Son asks why do you say that?
Because my arms getting tired and I need someone to take over
14
My doctor gave me a proctal exam, but I felt his both hands on my hips
11
You must have good insurance.
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I thought that getting fucked was an integral part of US healthcare?
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That doctor doesn’t know Jack.
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My doctor gave me a prostate exam. I thought, “Don’t get an erection, don’t get an erection”. But he did.
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If he didn't want it then he shouldnt have put his finger in my pleasure hole
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I know with the pandemic some people are reluctant to resume in-person doctor appointments. But I don't think this is what the receptionist meant when she said "Thanks for coming".
9
Love that joke every time I see it on this sub!
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A nun told the boys in class if you masturbate you'll go blind. I raised my hand and said I'll quit when I'm cross-eyed sister.
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What she say???
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A woman asks her doctor why he won't kiss her. He says he's not allowed to do that with patients, and adds "actually, we probably shouldn't even be having sex right now either."
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I hope you told that jerk off!
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2 minutes later:
*Distant screaming
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"Ok, doc, as soon as you stop looking like the Bunny of the month"
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Nurse practitioner student here: My class textbook stated that when performing a prostate exam, the patient gets an erection, you must gently explain that this is a normal response to stimuli and continue until the exam is finished. Our prof was like, yeah fuck that. You say: We will resume this exam at another time, and make sure that a different person (preferably of the opposite sex) completes it later.
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My doctor said the same thing. I said “I understand that but put it back in your pants”.
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I laughed unnecessarily hard at this
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My doctor told me to stop masturbating.
I told my doctor to find a new patient.
2
What I wanna know is has anyone ever finished during a prostate exam ?
1
Stiffler did
3
My doctor gave me a prostate exam last week.
Strangest damn dentist visit I've ever had.
I know I'm ugly, I went to my proctologist... he stuck his finger in my mouth! -R. Dangerfield
No respect.
"I'm not a proctologist, but i know an asshole when i see one. "
"Dave please try not to get an erection" my names not dave? "No mine but mine is"
Imagine how much shit Mine took for his name in school.
They didn't even bother capitalizing it.
Yeah bet that blew up in his parents face
My doctor gave me a prostate exam the other day.
"Where should I put my pants?" I asked him.
He replied, "Oh, just leave them on the chair over there next to mine!"
After my last prostate exam I asked my Dr if he could take his watch off next time.
I bet that was a shitty time.
Figuratively not literally. Although he deserved the latter.
Weirdest part was he had his hands on my shoulders the entire time
And his feet into your mouth
Was looking for a cursed comment thankyou
My friend is a doctor and lost his license to practice medically because it was found out he got into a sexual relationship with one of his patients...
...best damn veterinarian I've ever known.
Isn't it great that one individual does two jobs, my dentist doesn't even charge me for the exam. He's quite generous.