The loneliness is soul crushing.

Maybe I'm just having a shit day, started out ok though. It's over 2 yrs since my wife passed, and when I'm doing something (almost anything) I feel OKish. I participate in activities, go places, do things etc.. when activities are over I go home where it's just me and the dog (thank God for him). For a good long period I was kind of at peace with it. A level of acceptance was there. Now I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle. Part of me wants to just sell everything and go somewhere else to start over (location changes, situation is the same though). At 59 starting over was never something I considered, yet here I am starting over (here or somewhere else). I try to be positive, go outside my comfort zone, challenge myself, and attempt to live the best life I can, but sometimes I can't help but feeling like telling everyone to fuck off. I'm back to the can't get a full night's sleep thing. Brain won't shut up. I hate this shit! Would love to find someone I can have some intimacy with, but I know in my state it would not turn out well. Then I think hey I can probably just seek sex, but that's just a band-aid before I go home to be alone again (i.e. what's the point)... FTW 🖕