I breakup with my girlfriend to protect her

We were together for 11 month. I breakup with her 5 times. Every time she begged me to come back to her. This time I'm not going to do it. I have problems. Im probably bipolar and I'm diagnosed with fear of intimacy. I just feel like I'm supposed to be alone, so I don't hurt anyone.

I feel like total shit. She loved me more than anyone in my life and I just dumped her again and again. I can't be with her, but i can't function without her. I can't fall asleep alone and I want to cuddle her. Today when I was making breakfast I asked empty apartment "Do you want 3 or 4 eggs?" and after I realized that She isn't here anymore, I started crying. Why am I so broken? I'm going crazy and i took a week long break from work. I can't live like that. My friend told me to go to psychiatrist, but I can't afford it. Please help me.