Why do I constantly feel like my emotions aren't real?

Like when my grandma died, I was so sad for months but I felt like I was faking it. But like, I would mostly cry alone so I know I wasn't faking. Whenever anything happens, I feel like people will think I am lying, when I know I am not. Today I was feeling sick at work and I felt bad for feeling sick. Why am I constantly invalidating my own feelings and emotions? Why do I constantly feel like I am fake and a fraud when I inow that isn't true? I think it probably steams from "stop crying" "if you're sick at school, you will stillbe sick at home" like any of my major problems that my nom would constantly tell ne it wasn't a big deal. That just going to cchurch would fix it, when it didnt. I feel alone