I am living in a constant state of heartache

(I am f19) I had a boyfriend over a year ago and he dumped me over a year ago too, I was absolutely shattered to bits over this as he was the first boy I’d ever had feelings for and I was entirely in love with him. Since then I worked on myself- (and had a close friend who I shared many things with and I later sort of ‘got with’ if you catch my drift. It seemed pretty perfect but it didn’t end particularly well and we don’t really talk anymore.) For many reasons I have been going a bit downhill in life but one feeling that never seems to leave me is the horrible feeling of heartbreak. I remember back to specific times when I would be stepping off of the train to see my ex boyfriend, I remember how beautiful I found him, how head over heels I was. I recall back to the things he’d say to me that would annoy me but make me love him more. I can’t ignore all of the first time feelings I was having. I thought I was over this to some degree but I’m feeling the way I did after he had been gone for a while and I still wasn’t quite stable. When I try to sleep it all runs through my mind, flashbacks popping up over and over and as much as I want to hold onto these memories I can’t take the pain anymore. Lots of music will make my stomach drop as soon as I hear it begin to play. I have to avoid a lot of my spotify playlist which is getting ridiculous now. I randomly want to cry all the time, at work, on the bus, at home etc. I just feel so broken and feel like I’m never going to feel the way I did the first time. I’m never going to find someone as beautiful as I did him, he was perfect to me and he probably always will be. If these feelings came back after months of absence then what’s to say I’ll never ever shake this and it will stay with me forever.