ELEVEN YEARS. Why did it take me 11 years and finally starting my exit to learn about BPD?

I just. There is so much self-loathing. For what I subjected myself to over and over and OVER and over.

I’ve processed a lot of the rage and anger over the past few months while separating. But the self-loathing is so hard to kick.

Why did I allow myself so be isolated? Why did I isolate myself further? Why did I ignore my gut instinct telling me to get out GET OUT from day dot? Why did I wish I’d never lived rather than just leaving? Why did I allow him to infect me with his rot? I feel so tainted, like the rot has set into me as well.

Ugh. Is anyone in the same self-recrimination boat? I’m starting therapy next week. I’m sure it will help. I hope it will help.