gastritis and mental health(sorry it’s a rant)

I’m going through with the bland diet and trying to figure out my triggers and such but it’s taking a toll on me really badly. i’ve only been doing for nearly a month but i’ve already seen so much improvement, i’d say i’m 1/3rds better than i was before. I am very lucky to say that when i do eat something thats a trigger the most that’ll happen is i get stomach pain or i get reflux and a sour taste in my throat almost instantly.

While i’m still figuring it out it takes a lot out of my well being and i find myself crying every single day over this. i’m a huge food lover and always have been my whole life, but i am a HUGER emetophobe and having gastritis with that phobia makes me want to die a little inside. When i first started suffering i didn’t eat and thought it would go away and well well i’m 30 pounds down. To be honest i’ve always had self image issues so losing weight wasn’t that much of a big deal for me and actually has been a confidence booster but i’m way more weak.

it’s hard, all of this is very hard. i’ve always been an anxious person and this has just cranked it up to the max. i wasn’t able to attend school last year and see my friends because i was constantly scared and fearful of having flare ups. Due to that i lost my whole sophomore year of highschool and failed all my classes because this affected me really badly and i was very confused in what direction to take. my dad keeps on telling me “you can eat whatever you want” “nothing is wrong with you” “stop crying” even after getting an endoscopy and having it DIAGNOSED???? yet he still helps me out while popping tums after every meal he has due to heartburn and continues drinking 3+ beers every single day.

sorry for this little vent, no one really understands besides the people who have/ had it themselves and when i get anxious about my gastritis it just gets worse, but i’m here to remind myself and all of you that it will get better. i felt hopeless at the beginning of this and thought i’d never be able to improve and look at me now. im nowhere close to being healed but im taking steps towards right directions. everything works out in the end, you just have to keep doing what works for you and your body. we’re gonna make it through this.