Vent

I’m 22 (f) to the naked eye I seem to have the perfect life well not perfect but ya know stable. My mental health has clearly deteriorated over time. It feels as if my parents have a tight leash around my neck. I vent to my bf about my struggles and thoughts of suicide. Sometimes it feels as if I’m not being heard. Iwant to move out of this house and begin my own life experience everything everyone else does. My parents don’t allow me out past 11 pm without constantly blowing up my phone.
With my bf I’ve experienced some things that others would experience in their early teens, which makes me feel stupid and alone. I envy his life and his friends life. I wish I would live on my own and do my own things. Not to mention my parents never taught me how to drive (my bf had to teach me) I feel lost and alone a lot of the time everyone I meet they have everything I wish I had. I’ve never been the type of person to have friends (I wish I did) I know it’s not healthy to obsess over what I don’t have or what I can’t do. But it’s hard when your bf leaves without a care or worry in the world I want to be able to pack up my life and leave. Sometimes dying seems easier than living life I fear that dying won’t work and I’ll awake in a hospital bed somewhere. My bf and family don’t allow me to drink. They say I become too emotional, my bf went out tonight with his friends he didn’t invite me Bc it was a “guys” night I later found out their gfs went. And he tried to invite me last minute, I said no. He followed it up with you shouldn’t be drinking until you get mental health (he was embarrassed over the last time we all hung out I drank too much and he said somethings that made me cry) I ran away and he and his friends went looking for me. I was safe but just upset. I’ve just been really upset with life, and needed to vent. I want to kill myself but also want to move out and try to live a life I’ve dreamt of, leaving isn’t easy when you can’t drive or have a car. The worst part is my work permit hasn’t arrived but has been approved making my life hard. I just want a way out of life. Or some distractions