Wave.

Wave.

I have wept;
all of my tears, together
a sinking stone, seamless
blended amidst the turbid abyss.

I have screamed until raw;
never louder than the crescent smash of roaring wave.

I have thrashed,
beat with my fists until collapse;
the formidable currents, unrelenting
have never slowed their violence.

I have lost myself completely;
set adrift in the frothing heart of it, slipping away.

I found no solace as a child,
flailing futile in its shallows,
nor serenity as a man
thrusting against the waters;

exhausted,
an island.

I imagine a sort of peace
upon a path
of footprints in the sand,
guiding me back

towards the forest
and away from the tides.

1, 2.

Posted Jul 6, 2021, 1:18 AM UTC · edited

38
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1

The imagery in this is so beautiful. You explained so perfectly how human emotions can be so untameable like the ocean. i really loved this 💖💖

1
superplannergirl•

I found no solace as a child,
flailing futile in its shallows,
nor serenity as a man
thrusting against the waters;

^^ I love how you tie your experience as a child into your experience as an adult. This is expert. I also enjoy your conscious use of alliteration- it makes an impact and doesn't distract. Thank you for sharing your words.

1
Revvy_G•

I adore the imagery of this, you are really talented!

1
visiblyhuman•

I love the ocean and sad theme the most in poems. Something about the two goes really well together. Maybe because oceans seem bottomless which is what despair can feel like. Great poem!

1
RareCollection1620•

Throughout my read I got this sense of distress. I think that has to do with the comparisons (what are called similes, right?). It was like with each new stanza I got to delve deeper into that sense of distress. I like the way the poem's built.. how I get drawn into descriptions of something so ‘beaten down’ and it resolves with a sort of ‘wish’(?). To me it seems that sea related stuff is negative and more land/forest stuff is more positive and even though I don't know what you intend to say I like that and the imagery.

Cheerios

1
neumonia-pnina•

There are a few lines that sound... off, so I've just swept through this as far as grammar goes:

"I have screamed until raw;

never louder than the crescent smash(ing?) of (a?) roaring wave (or "of roaring waves")."

(You may also want to say "though never louder")

"I have thrashed,

beat(en) with my fists until collapse"

"I found no solace as a child,

flailing, futile, (or "flailing futilely") in its shallows"

Other than that, this is elegant and pretty and... cool. I'm always an advocate for more semicolons, they look so distinguished. I like your word choice, and, whether deliberate or not, I got the impression of slowing down towards the end, which I found appropriate.

There's a very particular style of writing- I'm not sure how well I can describe it, but it involves simple and, I suppose, earnest vocabulary, with an innocence but also an emptiness that, combined, give off a soul-crushing feeling. If someone were to read that kind of line aloud, they'd take a deep breath beforehand and leave gaps in between the words. This style isn't what I always aspire for, personally, but it's something that I can always enjoy, and I think I was able to find it in your second-to-last stanza, starting from "I imagine a sort of peace".

Not to get deep or profound or "look at me, i can appreciate FINE ART", but, honestly, thank you for writing this. It's not perfect, but it's absolutely got its heart in the right place, and I think you're headed in a good direction.

1
consciouscuts•

this is beautiful. i like the way you continue the sea imagery right through the poem. the sea is the perfect metaphor for emotional torment. i feel the intensity of your experience very much in this poem. and the language is raw and simple and lyrical. it makes me think of stevie smith's poem, Not Waving But Drowning, which also uses the sea as a locale for a person's emotional pain. thanks for sharing! great work.

1