Source
r/OCPoetry•
Revvy_G

2.52 am

I stare at the unfinished puzzle on the table.
How many times have I put us back together now?
Three, Four?

I swill the contents of the box with my hand. It feels like there’s more pieces than last time.
How is that even possible?
This will take me all night.
Never mind.

The hours slide by. I turn over each part, looking for something I recognise. My fingers scurry up and down the edges unchecked.
Familiar territory, old ground.

My wine glass leaves rings on the top left corner. Underneath, the colours start to bleed.
The picture gets muddier. Teeth marks mar the sides- a nervous habit, I guess.
Things left unsaid.
Some of the pieces are dog-eared. The lies we tell each other over and again, like the pages in a favourite book. The Classics.

Still, time grinds on.
I turn the final pieces over and over in my hands. Ritual. Waiting for the bigger picture to emerge.
It should have by now shouldn’t it?
All of these tiny painted parts coming together. Instruments in an orchestra, making a symphony.
But instead, it’s just noise. Shouting, screaming, whispering. Muttering under your breath.
It washes over me like static.

I’m getting desperate now.
The pieces keep sliding out of my hands, slick with sweat, pinging off the table, rolling onto the floor. But I’ve got to finish this.

But finally. A piece of your smile, I think?
I try to force it in, over and over again.
Why won’t it fit? It must fit- it’s the last piece.
Is it upside down?

I stand back.
I want to look at my masterpiece before it goes back in the box.

My God, have we always looked this sad?

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/oee7s1/sour_milk/h45vg6r/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/oe9nsd/dnc/h45xbp4/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3

Posted Jul 7, 2021, 6:13 AM UTC

67
Delucidate•

I don't know! Have we...? Sadness and longing. They are ghosts that can truly haunt some of us, but in my experiences i see that we often create them in our lives. But for the most part, i can see anyone can feel this way, even nearly all the time. It's simple. We are unhappy because our unhappy ancestors were more successful. We don't have happy ancestors in our genes. If they existed somewhere their bloodlines died out somewhere. I just want to say i love how you delivered this work with the puzzle as a literary device! Creativity really does come from a place of sadness. Thank you for sharing your work.

2
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1
lilstrawberry0298•

Oh wow, I really needed to read this. I have been in a similar situation myself lately, and still trying to clean things up. Perhaps without the stress you seem to imply with 'shouting, screaming', but a similar feeling.Digressing, I love the tone in what you've written. It was easy to sit with the speaker and reflect on the situation with them. It's not a feeling of stress or sadness that you have communicated, but simply exhaustion. 'This will take me all night. Never mind.' I believe reflects this well - in addition to the title. Word choice like 'Time grinds on' and 'But finally' also helps send this message. I don't think it's overwhelming either, enough to keep me reminded that the speaker is tired. I think this fits because they don't like that they're doing this (again). They're tired of this cycle, tired of looking for answers, tired of looking for a reason. But when you have all the broken pieces...maybe the speaker feels obligated to keep putting it together.

However, I think there's two tiny things I'd like to pin out. The way 'Instruments in an orchestra, making a symphony' is written encourages me to imagine what that's like. This is initially weird, as I wouldn't expect this emotion given the context. Then the description changes to the noise, and the physical sensation of static. I like the idea of setting up the expectation of music though, and the reality that the memories aren't so pleasant. Especially with how you end this poem; 'have we always looked so sad?'. I'll make a suggestion -'All of these tiny painted parts coming together. I'd expect them to play music in celebration.' And then leave the rest unchanged. To me, that would seem to imply the feeling I described a bit better. Lastly, at the end, would the speaker call this a masterpiece? They don't seem proud to me. They seem obligated, maybe lost. Perhaps word choice like 'look at my spent time' would fit better.

A lovely piece, and thank you so much for giving me something to reflect on and relate to myself. (This is my first comment here! I'm glad to find some motivation myself again, and I hope this is helpful to you :3)

1
Revvy_GOP•

This is extremely helpful feedback, so thank you. I actually wrote this in the middle of the night in my notes because it popped into my head as I was falling asleep. I felt it needed polishing but I wasn't sure what it needed.

I will cut some of the instrument part out, it is a little over-done I think. I like your suggestion. Also I think I wrote 'masterpiece' because I was feeling a bit bitter maybe. It's a bit sarcastic, but actually venom and sarcasm wasn't the point of the poem in the first place- it was just obligation. I think I'll change the line to 'I want to see where my hours went before it goes back in the box'.

I hope you are motivated to submit something yourself, would love to read it! :)

1
lilstrawberry0298•

I'm glad it helped :) I'm very new to this, I used to write more in high school but always kept it to myself. I've been working on some things, would not mind throwing them into the wind soon hehe

Take care <3

1
JustAGreenDreamer•

This is great. I especially love the sort of sad but determined devotion to completing the task. Isn’t that how we always feel, when we know we have to have one of those heavy talks, and it looms before us, but it has to be done, so we grudgingly plod into it. The metaphor of a jigsaw puzzle and a faltering relationship is just so appropriate. I really do like this a lot. Well done. Good luck with the puzzle.

1
RobinGayle•

Very good imagery. Trying to put a relationship back together by yourself is not an easy endeavor. The observation that some pieces are "dog-eared" is a brilliant way to express the frustration that comes from having the same old arguments over and over. Over all, a well written poem. Thank you for sharing.

1