Dating Women Not Feeling As Magical As Expected?

I’ve (F30) been following this sub for about a year and questioning my sexuality. I relate to a lot of the comp het doc, especially the parts about forcing myself to be into things with men and appreciating women more naturally.

After a year of questioning I’ve finally started dating a woman and we’ve been taking things very slowly, but started to get physical last time I saw her. I was so nervous I was shaking, but she was very sweet and took things slowly. So many of the posts here talk about how different sex with a woman feels and how you “know” as soon as you do it that it’s right and so much better than with men. For me, it was the same. Just as difficult to be in the moment and get aroused, and it felt like I was just trying to go through the motions and do the right things. She is so sweet and pretty and I’ve been enjoying our time together, but nothing feels as magical as I was hoping. This also makes me feel guilty because I don’t want to lead her on. (For context she is bisexual and has a man in her life as well, so I know she’s not hoping things go somewhere serious with me. I still have my boyfriend in my life too and he’s supportive of me exploring)

Throughout this year, I’ve also been wondering if I might be asexual, and I’m afraid my experience with her is leaning me in that direction, but I feel devastated by the possibility. There is of course nothing wrong with being asexual, but that doesn’t feel true to me. I used to have arousal and desire (entirely about fictional situations usually), but I haven’t felt that in years now. For a while I’ve been so hoping that women would do it for me, but at this point I’d be happy to just feel anything with anyone again. (I’ve also talked to doctors about my lack of interest in sex and there is nothing physical/hormonal going on with me, so I’m fairly confident it’s all mental).

Has anyone felt similarly or have any thoughts about my experience? Thank you for reading and for any feedback.