Source
r/OCPoetry•
mikabozu

Chiang Mai

They see you
as in magazines:
a land of smiles
cheap massages
(of both varieties)
night skies adrift with
a million and one
lanterns
and curries
in three colors.

I see you
as in a dream:
scalding coffee
in plastic sacks
orange monks
with dusty feet
soft hands that beckon
in sailor uniform
rickshaw smoke over
red-brick ruins
vacant shopping malls
free of food
poisoning
and empty afternoons
with white-haired gossip
of anything
but
the end

Edit: All the formatting was messed up

1 2

Posted Jul 8, 2021, 12:42 PM UTC · edited

63
Suitable-bones•

This really threw me into it, I like this. I guess I’d like to get your thoughts on why you constructed it in the way you did, in short, three or so word lines. I’ve read it through a few times and I feel like the structure might benefit from some tweaking as it’s a bit halting, although maybe that was your intent.

2
mikabozuOP•

Hi! Thanks for the feedback. I thought that shorter lines might make it feel more like little flashes of memory... but I will tweak it today to see if it is better with longer lines. Thanks!

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