Source
r/auslaw•
MultipleAttempts

What are some things you do to reduce stress and maintain mental wellbeing?

Serious Discussion

I've been stressing for the past 2+ years from legal work (B&F being super competitive space, pretty sure at least one of the juniors have been undermining me by spreading gossips etc) and it has been taking its toll on me - combined with feeling like a failure in life generally due to lack of romantic and academic success, I'm not in a good headspace. So I've started reading science books about space exploration and rocket science chemistry etc (stepping away from law/politics/finance/economy books and texts for a while).

Reading about science seems to help me relax a bit, in the sense that I'm reminded that nature and the world are still out there despite all the shenanigans of human society. There is something about the universe, space and the mystery of the cosmos which seem very calming to me - an unhappy client/banker/lawyer? Who cares. The earth will keep orbiting the sun and the process of time and space will continue without a pause. Reading about science reminds me that human society, the relationship between people, their fear and greed which we lawyers deal with, ultimately exists within this world and are not the world itself. I need to spend more time appreciating what an amazing and fascinating world we live it.

Sorry, this is probably more like a rant/cringe post, but combined with lockdown I've been not well - though recently things have improved since I've started reading science (mostly space stuff).

Does anyone else have their own 'thing' to share that helps you keep happy and re-orientate your world?

Posted Jul 11, 2021, 4:35 AM UTC

6360
Atticus_of_Amber•

My coping mechanisms were alcohol, casual sex, and the occassional sick day where I did nothing but binge box sets. And people wonder why I no longer practise...

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overshoulderboulder•

Do you still practice casual sex? Uwu

8
[deleted]•

Hey same! Except for the box sets. I binge Youtube instead. Apparently that's the secret since I'm still suffering here.

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wallabyABC123•

I only work at work. I don’t log in or check emails after hours or on weekends. Fuck em, it’s my time, and no one seems to complain. It almost works most of the time. When it doesn’t, I eat grated cheese right out of the packet.

60
tipyourstaff•

I have been asked by partners in the past to check my email after work and on the weekend. It is absolutely not worth the mental health toll and shouldn't be done except where you have positively undertaken to monitor a specific matter outside of work (for example, because you know something critical will happen after hours or on a weekend).

I eventually stopped checking emails outside work hours and have never taken a performance review hit for it. The partners know my mobile number and can call me in if there's an absolute emergency.

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wallabyABC123•

It’s not expected at my work, but most people do it. I deliberately choose not to and it’s never been an issue. Funnily enough, if you don’t condition clients, other parties and colleagues to expect all-hours replies by giving them all-hours replies, things can wait until 9am the next business day. I’ve been doing this for years and I rarely think about work when I’m not there now.

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MultipleAttemptsOPneeds a girlfriend•

An after-thought to add is that, I think I've realised I've been wearing only one hat - my lawyer hat. I don't have much going on outside of work, so if work goes bad my whole world comes crashing down. To reduce vulnerability, I need to find something outside of work and outside of law. :/

53
eniretakia•

I agree with this, but I’d recommend not putting a lot of pressure on yourself with that something. I had competitive sport outside of work and uni which was great in many aspects, but it had its own stressors. On the other hand, I find gardening strangely cathartic and also don’t mind baking every now and then, and there’s no pressure to achieve anything with them, or guilt for not doing them at any given time. A friend took up some crafty thing - crochet I think.

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the-spruce-moose_•

My worst points have been when my world narrows so much that I am only ‘a lawyer’. It’s also a double-edged sword that the things that I used to be really passionate about that weren’t my day job were work-adjacent (politics/ finance/ non-work law chat). It creates a bubble where I start to feel trapped by the things that I supposedly liked.

Finding other things completely outside work and the legal/political world have been helpful for me. I’m a pretty garbage gardener (and a permanent apartment-dweller) but really low effort gardening brings me a lot of joy. Growing things from seed and popping out each morning/ evening to see how they’ve done that day is a real pleasure.

Also try not to be too ambitious about whatever hobbies you pick up. If you attempt to apply the same work ethic from your day job to your hobbies it will almost certainly ruin the stress relieving aspects (in my experience).

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tipyourstaff•

Spot on mate. The more hobbies and other interests you have (even if it's something stupid like shitposting on Reddit), the more resistant you become to having your mood crushed by work because work simply becomes a smaller part of your life and mindspace.

I still have dark days and even weeks, but over the years it's become obvious to me that the storm always passes and no matter how bleak the workload or matter situation looks in the moment, I will have forgotten all about it in a month.

Personal recommendations:

  • exercising (I have never felt worse after a workout, only better!)
  • gaming
  • photography / hiking (great combo)
  • cooking
  • digital art
  • brewing tea and coffee
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Neither-Run2510•

I work in big-law and I enjoy:

- Playing PC games such as Call of Duty and Assassins Creed (two hours a week).

- Reading a variety of fiction books (because the law is all non-fiction and one needs a break) such as A Gentleman in Moscow (i.e written by complex authors such as Amor Towles)

- Said exercising We have sedentary jobs and exercise is essential for physical and psychological health.

- Very essential sleep. 10pm sleep for a 6.30am wakeup. Never to be underestimated.

- Quiet time. On the commute back to to work, one needs total quiet time on various days to simply think and allow ones thoughts to materialise.

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PMmeblandHaikus•

As a hobby indoor rock climbing is really fun and tends to attract people who enjoy problem solving. It becomes really physically and mentally challenging the more advanced you get and the crowds are usually really friendly chill people. You can sign up for a partner usually at gyms so its a great way to make friends.

Equally if you boulder people are usually happy to give advice and have a chat.

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thepussman•

You’ve received some good advice from these comments: drink, have casual sex, eat grated cheese and dig holes. It’s that simple.

46
BusterBoy1974•

Wait, why does the cheese have to be grated? What about giant wheels of brie?

3
wallabyABC123•

I’m the grated cheese person. It’s easiest to apply cheese in grated form from bag to mouth. But sure, if you’re not an animal, you could use a knife.

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BusterBoy1974•

That's fair enough - ease of application is a thing.

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[deleted]•

Bag to mouth? You don't just lie under a grater?

3
[deleted]•

[deleted]

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TangoBolshevikQuack Lawyer•

I dig holes in the garden. No joke. I just dig and dig.

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thepussman•

You should steal a pair of shoes and get sent to Camp Green Lake.

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sunrisebysea•

Dad, I've dug another hole. It's filling with water.

7
BuryMeWithDownvotes•

When was the last time you took leave? I find that even taking one or two days of leave for an extra long-weekend can do wonders for de-stressing.

My 'thing' to re-orientate was binge drinking. Given how obviously unhealthy that is I now exercise, play with my pet, play videogames.

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MultipleAttemptsOPneeds a girlfriend•

When was the last time you took leave?

A while, lol. I've been getting messages from HR regarding excess leave being accrued but I've been ignoring them due to how busy things have been.

I should have a chat with my boss about organising me going away for a while. Thanks.

23
Most-Source7478•

due to how busy things have been

Find your diary and point to a time when it wasn't. I'll wait.

My point is that work is using your conscientious to get extra work out of you. It's on you to push back.

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BrisLiam•

This.

I used to bank all my leave and then take a four to six week overseas trip at the end of the year. Covid obviously put an end to that.

Anyway, since February 2020, combined with not being able to travel overseas and deciding to save for a home deposit meaning I haven't taken leave for travel within Australia, I've taken very little leave.

However, the leave I have used has been for making some long weekends when feeling flat and it works great. Just that one extra day of having a sleep in and relaxing really does the trick.

I also quit drinking and started playing social sports which has also helped heaps.

7
Donners22Undercover Chief Judge, County Court of Victoria•

Games + books + walks for me.

The first two to escape and keep me from dwelling on things, the last to just clear my head.

The hardest part of lockdown for me was the (ridiculous) limitation on going outdoors - I really struggled not being able to get out while WFH.

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QuickRundownCaffeine Curator•

Working out every day and having loong sleep ins on the weekend.

11
LegalMuscleChurchill’s sodden ghost•

It has been a real challenge since the beginning of last year.

I have always exercised to feel good and look good. But then gyms shut and we needed an excuse to go outside for a run. That aspect of the lockdown, that people are prevented from doing the very activities that make them healthier, is infuriating to me.

I also liked heading to the pub to watch the football, have a few drinks and a parma, or just sitting at a cafe with a newspaper. The distancing, not being able to stand, and the constant sanitising of surfaces has sucked a lot of the enjoyment out of those activities.

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[deleted]•

Dr Richard Carlson book is fantastic - he, as a practicing psychologist, undermines the entire industry and showcases it as self sustaining and fraudulent and teaches wonderful coping skills within - it’s called “stop thinking and start living”.

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olawyerwhereartthouBespectacled Badger•

I do parkrun - https://www.parkrun.com.au - a free 5 km organised run every Saturday morning. It’s one of the best things I’ve ever done.

Importantly, it’s just a run, not a race. It’s for both beginners and very fast runners. There are lots of them virtually everywhere, so you can do a bit of “parkrun tourism”. You will meet people in your local community, who don’t care two hoots about your legal job.

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Wombat_walker•

Sounds like you might enjoy hiking, given your interest in the beauty of the universe. I hike, practice yoga and have a good psychiatrist. Good luck, it’s tough.

8
TinosCallingMeOver•

Making use of the 10 subsidised-by-Medicare sessions per year that you can get with a psychologist

8
SlipperyWhelm•

I believe this has been increased to 20 sessions now because - surprise, surprise - 10 is not always enough to cure all psychological maladies. Who knew

5
[deleted]•

I used to be the person that said "stop fucking telling me to do yoga and meditate" - it's still a bit of a cop out when firms use it as their go to wellbeing tool. Anyways.

I now pepper my day with short guided meditative exercises on headspace - could range from 3 minutes to 10 minutes. I start with it and I end with it, sometimes squeeze one in at lunch.

It helps me remember that we aren't ICU surgeons and an email can be delayed - the deadlines and urgency is ultimately artificial (this doesn't mean you should be late on everything, but it does mean that you should remind yourself there is more to life).

It also allows me to be in the moment, focusing on my breathing or physical senses, which (1) distracts me from work tasks and (2) interrupts my otherwise continuous flow of seemingly 24/7 stress.

I think chronic stress is a serious and underrated health issue in our profession. Please take care.

Also re lockdown, when I get distracted I drop and do 10 push ups and idk why but it works.

7
AgentKnitter•

Sensory grounding is a really, really good tool for overcoming panic attacks.

A strong but not aversive sensation - ice cube (cold), one of those massage balls run down your leg (pressure but not pain), hot cup of tea.

Or, look around an identify 5 things you can sense. What you can hear, touch, smell, taste, feel.

3
algomasuperior•

When I was full time in boutique commercial (not as a lawyer but still basically running files) I felt burnt out too. At the moment I'm building in some better habits while working and studying, I'm working out a few times a week and have a fortnightly young people common interest group to go to at the pub.

I also read fantasy, paint, draw and study a couple of languages for fun when I have time.

Meetup.com might have some stuff that interests you depending on your area, otherwise you could post on your neighbourhood Facebook group to ask around about what's out there.

5
mightymavs•

If you don't mind me asking, how do you study your languages? (e.g. classes, apps etc)

2
algomasuperior•

With the one I'm stronger in I just read stuff and listen to YouTube videos that are for intermediate learners, still do the occasional grammar drills and seek out interactions with native speakers irl and on apps like tandem.

With the one I'm newer to I bought a textbook and plan to focus a lot more on conversation exchange.

I still suck tho it's just for fun.

5
npa52•

I think it's important to leave work at work. It can be hard when people are expected to work too hard. Having a family works although given the crap life young lawyers lead God knows how they have time to meet anyone. With a family if you are committed to spending time with them and simply have no time to think about work once you come home. I find cooking is a great sanity preserver. There is something cathartic in it at least for me. Exercise is essential but being lazy I always am fighting to get enough. but also, if you're working environment is poisonous, look to move. One can get so caught in a poisonous environment that it is like the frog boiling in the pot. Also, if part of the problem is how people perceive you, realise sometimes it's better to shoot through and start again. I stayed in one place for seven years. It was a terrible mistake. It was a misery and deep down I knew several months in and should have walked. And yes having really good holidays makes a difference. Not so easy at the moment. Alcohol is a trap. I don't pretend of avoided it.

5
code4pay•

Practice mindfulness and look into buddist style approach to life. I used to get stressed by work but now I feel I truly understand being in the present and not worrying about the future or the past. It has actually made me better at work I reckon. Holidays don't work in my opinion. Look up ekart tolle and people like that. You are not your thoughts and any stress is greater by your own mind.

5
janPALACH_•

Boxing.

You’ll become an absolute betoota advocate stereotype of the corporate boxing flog but it does make you fit and feel good!

5
ChatonimoWhisky Business•

Reading smut, playing World of Warcraft, watching cooking shows, knitting and crafting. I highly rate a big warm bubble bath with a good book and bottle of wine or bourbon. Petting my kitty too

5
Shoddy_Schedule_1823•

Watch the Zyzz inspiration initiation https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lnu2Z0nrdxE

Lift weights Work to live Start judo And fuck bitches

3