What Comes Next?

Amazing, OP. You capture the essence of a wandering soul,

This poem is well put together! It feels like every line goes towards building the image of the narrator so well. The chucking the phone "(without harming the fish)". The donating "every.extra.scrap" of clothes. It's clear that it's not a means of escaping the rat race, but more intentionally deciding to live a different way. To me, that put a unique spin on a story that might be worn out. Loved the piece, thank you for sharing!

Those periods… “every.extra.scrap” add a meter to the poem that I read as this deep yearning. It added tension just at the right point. However, the other lines in the stanza distract from this point a little bit because there is a lot of levity. Seems disjointed and a bit out of place.

I relate to your nomadic mindset, objects fade whilst memories are forever.

Objects merely provide us with short-term pleasure to a long-term addiction.

We live in a world where wanting to be free to that extent described in your poem is odd and unsatisfying, but really it's that kind of freedom that we should all yearn for, for our own sake and for the planets.

Great poem.

Love the idea of "no decorations" really denoting the idea of living a simple life. Great job OP

I would live in a tent,

with no decorations,

and a small stack of comfy tees.

I love the values in this poem. "I don't want stuff, I want comfortable, exciting time with you outside." That's such a lovely sentiment, and whoever gets to drive your car to your next adventure is a lucky human being.

Small note, I might say morning instead of morn. Seems more comfortable that way.

You do not want things, you want memories. Captured beautifully, a free spirit as the wind indeed, not taking any shapes but following it´s own path :)

I like the idea of living in a tent and yet still adding the detail of ‘no decorations’ which I thinks adds a deeper element of plainness to this existence.

Two comments:

• I don't think the italicised lines in the first three stanzas gain anything by the italicisation, and it does stand out as art in a poem otherwise seeking to be 'lived'.
• "Polaroids to remember them by" is interesting. If life has taught me anything it is that cameras get in the way of 'being there', and the memories are better without them. However 'as a child' I can see that this might not be obvious. Perhaps deserves to be explored in more detail.

oh goodness, this is gorgeous!! i'm going to attempt to explain my feelings about it but i'm not the best at using my words (haha). this is wonderfully written and it connects to something i've always believed in, which is the essential beauty of Life itself and the unnecessary desire of humans to hold material things. this puts into perfect words what that feels like--the need to simply live and exist and enjoy being alive. i especially loved the line 'every. extra. scrap' because it feels so intentional, it feels so firm. this is so beautiful, thanks for sharing!!

oh, hi there; didn't see you! you've reached r/OCPoetry; this is a workshop site where you can share, read, and talk about eachother's poetry & etc. to post your own poems, you need to give feedback to 2 other writers. if you aren't trying to share, you're encouraged to give feedback, but aren't required. try to be nice, questioning, and specific. if you can't do that - eat a cabbage and come back later. try to give feedback to a writer without any feedback. lastly, read our feedback guide , other writer's comments, or this author’s feedback links. if you still aren't sure whether your comments are useful ‘feedback’, or you have any other questions, send us a modmail!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

If I may venture a guess, whatever you want! You are unlimited, unfettered and stronger everyday. It warms my heart to see you expressing your essence so readily. Thank you