3000 year honey

"Man, did you spend all our rent money again?"

Ted glared at me. To be fair, he had every right to. It hadn't been the first time I'd spent our rent money on something that was ostensibly not rent. But he just didn't understand. He didn't understand with the hyper-realistic life-size Nicholas Cage doll (or Butler Nichi as we are wont to call him), he didn't understand about the rare pouch of green Himalayan salt, and he won't understand this time, but nevertheless I have to try.

"I bought some three thousand year old honey, here have a go--"

"I'm not going to eat your gross ancient honey, dude. We needed that rent money this month. Nichi can only entertain the landlady for so long."

"C'mon man, just... here."

"I'm not--hmmph!"

I glided the spoon back out of his mouth, letting the sticky tip linger along his buds as the sweetness of thousands of years of insect vomit collectively sent his tongue to the stratosphere.

"Wow, that's... really good? And you said it was 3000 years old?"

"Yeah I did, it's awesome isn't it?"

"Yeah, tastes just like store bought honey. Go return this, or I'm finding a way to make up our rent."

"I can't return it, it's rare and I've already opened it."

Ted narrowed his eyes. "Well then, there's only one thing left to do."

"Nichi! Put on your fancy dress, you're walking the streets tonight!"