[3162] Description of a Struggle - Part One

This is the first half of a short story I'm writing.

It needs work, I know. I'd say this is currently a rough draft of the first 9 or so pages. I've been working on these pages for some time, though, even though they're not near where I want them to be yet. I think some fresh eyes could hopefully do me some good.

Here are some questions I've got which I'd like to be read after you finish the piece, please:

• !Did my portrayal of these characters come across as problematic at any point? Particularly in regards to Esmé.!<

• !Did the lack of staying grounded in a certain location or setting for too long bother you or disrupt your reading of the piece?!<

• !Were the exposition parts done well?!<

• !How is my characterisation so far?!<

• !What do you think of the style of narration?!<

• !Do you want to read more?!<

• !Any other thoughts and opinions would also be much appreciated. !<

Description of a Struggle - Part One

Critique one & critique two.