
Might be personal preference but "thick as thieves" is too over used/cliche. I get what you're going for, but I challenge you to say this in an original way. Same with MC facing the demons. Overused. 

Risky smoking a cigarette with Petrol soaked shoes in the back, no? This could be intentional, showing the reader that Claire isn't afraid to play with fire (haha pun intended). Maybe she does her own thing and could care less about what people think, and she has confidence to walk on the edge. Or maybe this is a plot hole!

I've read many authors advising to keep dialogue tags simple with "said" rather than hollered, scream, scolded, etc. unless it's not obvious given the context and there's no better way to show the character so you need to tell. When Claire concedes that prison isn't a good place to be by saying "true", we already know she is conceding. Just like we don't need to say '"true" Claire agreed'. Her saying true is conceding/agreeing. This isn't a glaring hole throughout y

Some notes:

1- is it clunky?

Overall, a bit, yes. You need to shorten your sentences. The first three sentences are a good example of these, each one could be broken into two sentences and would read a lot easier. 
The piece leans more towards a stream of consciousness rather than a traditional narrative. I would suggest trying to avoid including so many of the characters thoughts.

2- is it compelling? 

The beginning is compelling, but I suggest you delete the first sentence. The second is a much stronger opening and draws the reader in and makes them wonder what is happening, rather than outright stating it. I encourage you to try and write the piece in the dramatic scene rather than after it. – What is more interesting to you – someone burning down a school, or someone discussing it in a car? Even if you begin afterwards, you can go back and describe the scene in detail – where exactly did the character light the fire? Was there anybody around? Was she scared, or excited? Etc. In

1)is it clunky?

Yes, in general the whole thing reads just as you described it - "barely a first draft".  I would recommend taking another pass before submitting for critique. I found sections of it confusing, and difficult to read which detracted from experiencing, and properly judging, the story. Which was disappointing because I think the story has potential.   

2)is it compelling?

Yeah, somewhat. I think the idea of an arsonist and a hippie (who sees visions in crystals) on the run is interesting, and I'm also interested to learn the events that led to Seven trying to burn the school down. 

3)is it descriptive enough/does it paint a clear picture?

No. The whole thing is kind of muddled and needs more context. I'm not sure if the main character just escaped from jail or if they just escaped from trying to burn the school down. I just have no idea where they're escaping from and where they are currently. Claire mentions that wherever they are "beats suburbia" but I'm left wonder

Hello all so I’m back with a prologue I wrote, I wrote it in first person and I haven’t done that in ages so I want to know whether or not I should stick to first person? It’s barely a first draft but I want to know if it’s worth pursuing in first person or go back to my usual third. 

I think I’m better at third person but this book is going to be a YA one and most YA in my experience is first person. 

So my questions are this:
1. is it clunky?
2. is it compelling?
3. is it descriptive enough/does it paint a clear picture?
4. what do you predict will happen next?
5. does it have a YA feel/atmosphere?

Thank you in advance for any help!


My writing: https://docs.google.com/document/d/13EjEuO4fpKyY7nYMrmM3xDfpqgqh8YoMOm2v18MmCTs/edit

My critique: https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/oldqtu/2455_carve_chapter_2_second_half/h5eziyv/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3

[1309] The Heavenly Virtues of Seven Prologue