[1124] A first little exploration into what might become a detective noir urban fantasy.... thing.

Hi there, first-time poster and first-time writer. I don't have any hands on experience in the field besides a couple of years of forum and discord roleplaying and casually listening to YouTubers about general theory as a hobby.

I'm a native German speaker, so English is my second language. If there's anything particularly weird about my sentence structure or word choice, now you know why.

I don't really know what kind of critique I'm looking for. Basically, anything I suppose. Characters, pacing, prose, formating, the list goes on. Just pick any weird little detail and smash me over the head with it.

Now then, here we go with the... thing:
[1124] https://docs.google.com/document/d/1a-fn52O-3UqUhpSU7MWGmmP4Tm2ev-8y1-xf7UfPGcc/edit?usp=sharing

And here's my critique:
[1286] https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/om8jcn/2250_space_opera_wip_a1/h5jl7by?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3