Tequila on your tongue,
stitched in the heart of my tapestry,
dangled there, I hung,
ignorant to the crushing calamity,
ballads left unsung,
a swirling, singular rhapsody.
Drops at first,
and then unending,
straight on, reversed,
quick! attack then defending,
what was worst?
too firm? too harsh? too bending?
Fell so fast,
broke for forever,
once my past,
now you're my never,
the reason, you ask?
none whatsoever.
Posted Jul 19, 2021, 2:14 PM UTC
Hey OP! Thanks for the poem. I agree with u/EyeOfDay -- it's really fun to read out loud! The rhythm of your verses fits with the motion you talk about--hanging/dangling (longer lines, loopier word pairs) and falling (slick, short lines). Are "ballads left unsung" because the tequila tongue is stitched into the tapestry...and ergo cannot sing them?:)
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great metaphors, the perfect level of clever but unpretentious - crushing calamity is fab alliteration and the near rhyme with rhapsody and tapestry, good attention to form really fun and adds to the tone :)
Honestly the last stanza is terrific and stands entirely on its own. No real critique here, just a huge fan of the last section.
Nice poem there! I liked how it kept its rhythm with every breaking points and gaps. It is a consistent work of art and it gives a great satisfaction while reading it. The choice of your words are also unique and seems to fit perfectly. It is a good work. I really liked it and I hope others will enjoy it as well as I did.
Absolutely terrific. You have such a talent.
This was an awesome read. the first and last lines are so good, like others its hard to critique it was enjoyable without having to try to dig much deeper. It makes me think of a morning after some drinks lol, but really could be anything. imagery is nice and overall quotable; great stuff!
I enjoyed your poem very much. My favorite aspect is the utilization of vocabulary which creates a very pleasurable feeling when spoken aloud. It's a sensorial experience.
I hope everyone reads poems at least one time out loud. You miss so much of the experience otherwise.