It's definitely not close to being terrible so I'm glad you gave it another look!

>When Esmé saw him at that spot, so broken and pathetic, she could not help but give in to her natural propensity of tending to things beyond the reach of care. Plus, contributing to her tenderness, this was the spot they used to come to when they had nowhere else to go. And, as Medley sat sobbing on the riverbank, Esmé looked around at the foliaged landscape with something akin to morbid nostalgia. The fallen tree log they used to sit and embrace on, the stones they used to skim--if the scars he’d beared her had healed, she might have even conceded to her nostalgia and taken him back there and then, she thought. But they hadn’t healed.

&#x200B;

Overall I like this paragraph as a hook, and I do like that he's sitting on the log they used to sit at, but I don't like the lack of nuance Esme applies to it--Medley has literally chosen to sit on this very same log, after all of this apparent nonsense he's d

Hello, bit of a late reply, bit want to say thanks very much for this critique and pointing out the thing you think I did well. It's always good to be told what and why things are working for a piece. And thanks for the helpful suggestions too.

Also, to think that something I've written will stay with someone for a long time is a crazy thought. Thanks for such a nice compliment.

GENERAL REMARKS

I liked it. I think this story will stay with me some time, it made some impact on me. I recognize this scene from my own life - meeting with someone after a long break, everything has changed, is broken. Even though the details might be different, I think this resonates with many. 

MECHANICS

The title fits the story, but it's not very interesting, didn't lure me in. Sure it doesn't need to jump at me in a chocking way. It doesn't need to be very interesting. I think after having read the story, is where the strength is with the title. And that's good enough for me, seeing how the story is literary fiction. The title is just suitable to the genre and story, in my opinion. Maybe not so subtle but low key.

For me personally the hook is that immediately I can tell how well-written this story is technically. To me that promises it will be a worthwhile read. But that aside, the first paragraph gives a lot of information without me feeling I'm force fed. And all that info

Thanks for your helpful suggestions here. I'll definitely be taking them on board when it comes to a rewrite. Thank you very much for taking the time to read a critique.

**General Remarks**

Hi! Good idea for a story, and I think it has potential to say a lot on the theme of abusive relationships. I think the main problem is that we don't have enough context for this scene to have much meaning. Giving characters backstory could help. Other than this, I put some line edits in the Google Doc that you can address.

Anyways, I'll go ahead and be blunt with my feedback, since that's the point of this sub ofc.

**Mechanics:**

The title isn't too interesting, but I don't see anything wrong with it and it has several pertinent meanings, so I'd say keep it.

*Awkward Wording:*

For example:

"Not my mum or anyone else wants anything to do with me" -->"Even my mum wants nothing to do with me."

Or, "After they know what I did is true" --> "After they found out what I did."

*Excessive Silences*

"Apart from the faint chirps of insects and the running stream, things were silent for a minute."

"Esmé didn’t know how to respond. "

"There was a lull."

"He eventua

Hey, thanks for all your helpful comments on the doc. Great critique too. I agree with your suggestions and the examples you gave here elucidated your points very well. Some more nuance definitely needs to be incorporated into a rewrite. Thanks again, Monsieur.

**First Thoughts**

Your story has potential to really be good if you keep working at it. Mainly because the base concept in it is something that I think really sets the short story format apart from other literary mediums, and is what makes a lot of them great - single scene character dramas.

You’ve exemplified this concept by confining the story to just this one location, this one moment in time between Esmé and Medley meeting for the first time in years, and the tension that results from that.

But the main thing you’re missing for a character drama like this to really feel real requires a lot more nuance and subtext in the character’s body language, POV thoughts, and dialogue - more which I’ll get into later.

But first...

**Reader Engagement/Interest**

I try to look at each story on here from the perspective of someone who’s screening short story submissions for a magazine - at one point did you gain my interest to keep reading, if any, and at what point would I stop and move o

Hi, 

New here, apologies for improper etiquette. This has the potential to climb out of YA-fiction simplicity, but teeters (not altogether unproductively!) on the edge.

**OVERALL IMPRESSIONS**

This story is drenched in tears, it's absolutely fucking sodden in a way that is humourous and cliched, like a George Sand novel or something. The riverbank setting screams overwrought 18th/19th century German romanticism and its legacy (Heinrich Von Kleist's suicide, pretty sure Young Werther too) in a way I find amusing. BUT, then there are a couple of bits which really hit well:   
1 - When Esmé says she got with other people, the way an infinitely yielding soppy compassion suddenly acquires a hard edge of "No, here it stops" is quite forceful.  
2 - When Esmé describes the episode with the lighter, the sudden fear occasioned by that event is a great subject. I think the description has some problems however, but it has a great deal of potential.  
I find it immensely interesting that I can

Thought this was terrible, read over it recently and thought it was okay and maybe worth working more on.

Mostly looking for comments on characterisation and your personal thoughts on the piece. Anything else anyone has to say is more than welcome too.

**ALSO: THIS PIECE ALLUDES TO DIFFICULT THEMES**

[Broken Things](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1oFT0amnY5C_Qx4hhN1WeoeycR5Ijvx0QjQtHAM9gncaring)

[Critique](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/om4phv/4658_confessions_of_a_somnambulist/h61vll5?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)

[1500] Broken Things