[2276] A Well-Pickled Soul [1]
G’day RDR.
Here's an updated version of my Fear and Loathing in North Fitzroy.
Taking on board some of the insight garnered from this extract’s last roasting, I now present a version I hope was more braised by the feedback, rather than charred to a crisp. I focused on putting some more meat on the bare bones shown last time. There’s more scene-setting, more metaphors, more similes, more sordid details of their shenanigans. Hopefully this should read as a more holistic experience. A juicy bit of rotisserie chicken, you could say (someone take away my metaphor rights please).
Happy to receive any feedback, but considering that I’ve been focusing on plumping this chook up, I must ask if I’ve opted for food too rich in carbs and worry that it’s ended up too fat. So, metaphors aside, does this need any trimming?
Critiqued this 2688, but if that doesn’t tickle ya fancy let me know cause I’ve got another one that I'll otherwise use for the next section...
...which is pending, by the way. Probably going to drop within the next week. I’m starting to get a feel for this piece’s direction, and the prose is nowhere near as laboured as most of my other work (cough cough Somnambulist cough cough) so the words come out pretty fast. There’s cats' bums and a description of the platonic form of all shitty sharehouses to come, so get pumped. Or don’t. I’m not your boss.
Much love, and please look after yourselves.
EDIT: To make one of the jokes work, you've got to know that our cigarette packages are covered with grotesque images of smokers' organs NSFW IMAGE. So there ya go. No clean labelled Camels or Marlboro Reds here.
Posted Jul 22, 2021, 5:01 PM UTC · edited