Source
r/sex•
null000

How do you deal with mismatched libidos

So, my girlfriend wants it about once a month, whereas I want it about once a day. While she usually ends up giving me sex about once to, on a good week, twice a week, so I was wondering how other sexxiters deal with low levels of sex in a relationship. It tends to cause tension in our relationship since she views her sex drive as lower than usual but still normal, and I get kind of depressed when it seems like my woman isn't really into sex for at least a month at a time, but I was wondering if there was any way to get around/fix this?

Also, how much is too much to expect when it comes to sex in a relationship? I always feel guilty when I harass my SO about sex, but I'm not sure if it's justified I'm trying to get it once or twice a week. Is it unreasonable to expect more, or am I justified in wanting, what I feel, is a reasonable level of intimacy?

Posted Jan 21, 2012, 11:31 AM UTC

311
Maxxters•

Is it unreasonable to expect more

No, it's not unreasonable. You want what you want. The issue is how that makes her feel. You both need to compromise to a point that makes you both happy. Not an easy thing to do at all. Your best bet is to figure out if there's an actual cause of her low libido and find out how you can change things up.

7
mestisnewfound•

i had the same issue. my wife has a low libido, she ended up going to the doctor to get things fixed, turns out, there where multiple reasons, she has nerve issues in her labia that causes pain, and extremely low testosterone levels that once medicated and cleared up, has significantly increased her libido. also figuring out exactly what turns her on and how to turn her on has helped

3
alephnul•

In my marriage we dealt with it by divorce.

7
[deleted]•

There are ways she can be sexually intimate with you without actually feeling like she's having sex with you. She can:

  • play with your nipples while you masturbate
  • sit on your face while you masturbate
  • talk dirty to you while you masturbate
  • lick your balls while you masturbate
  • give you a handjob
  • let you tittyfuck her
  • use a sex toy on you

I'm sure you can think of other ways you could suggest to her, too.

4
magdalene25•

Really? You think these things don't feel like having sex? ಠ_ಠ Seriously, you might as well say that having penetrative sex without anything else touching doesn't feel like having sex. If it's sexual, it feels like sex. That's why it's sexual.

1
RizzoKgb•

Sexual compatibility is a huge player in a healthy long term relationship. Here are a few links to get you started from a male and female perspective. http://k-ghislaine.blogspot.com/2012/01/sexual-compatibility.html, http://ca.askmen.com/dating/vanessa_60/73_love_secrets.html.

3
elasto•

Mismatched libidos is one of the top 3 things couples fight about, and fights often lead to divorce. For mismatched libidos, I leave the girl and find a new one. Sex is not a want for me, it's a need. I need it to feel close to my girl, to make that intimate connection. I love to say how much I love her when we are deeply connected, and looking into each others' eyes.

If your girl is not understanding your needs, then she is a bit selfish. Do you want to spend your life with someone selfish who doesn't meet your needs? After all, if a man didn't meet a woman's needs, the women would be all over the net complaining about it. It's about time men stepped up and got their needs met too.

2
indeedimasian•

If it's selfish for her to not understand his needs, it's equally selfish for him to not understand hers. She simply doesn't have the drive to have sex and if he's constantly needing it, she won't be happy either. She could give in and have sex with him more often, but would she be happy? If she's only doing it for him, would HE be happy? It's not an issue of being selfish, it's a blatant mismatch.

OP just has to decide how important sex is to him. Personally, I think it's grounds for a break-up, to find someone more suited to you. The longer the problem persists, the more frustrating it will become.

6
BadDatingAdvice•

Yep, using the word selfish in this context probably isn't right.

Selfish is not being a considerate lover when the act does happen.

One person feeling a burning desire to fuck like rabbits and the other turning them down constantly is just sexual incompatibility. There's no selfishness going on here, you're right, it's a blatant mismatch.

3
RagingDean•

I'm calling bullshit on the second half of your post.

1
GoodOlChap•

Find a new girlfriend, this was the main reason I ended it with my ex. She didn't care and wasn't willing to help me on this and nothing worked for her. We are done, she is now waiting for marriage with her new bf. and me well I've found FWB and never been happier

2