Rubble

Siam this is lovely. My favorite lines: "And roses will rise/ from the cracks in the stone." Beautiful, hopeful imagery. Like many of your pieces you leave this open for interpretation and allow the reader to connect with it in their own way. The structure and rhyming are on point and carry the reader effortlessly, beginning to end.

My first thoughts were that the world was ending, because as a society this is what we deserve for neglecting nature. I will say, I've read a few pieces themed this way recently, so that was already at the forefront of my mind. It is only in the last two lines where "we" becomes the narrator with their "darling" versus "We" potentially being all of mankind ("We lie in the rubble.") Rereading after that conclusion, I'm then left with visions of Troy (temples falling, statues smashed), fallen cities and forbidden loves. The allusion to death (our lives are departing) is sandwiched between two hopeful images, which left me with mixed feelings at the end, both sad and hopeful.

Thank you for sharing Siam, I enjoy reading your poems!

I always love these simple little odes made of simple little couplets that just get the point of the emotions across without fuss. It's quite a turn toward the universal, a plea for humanity to get it's act together in the face of the crumbling down of such universalisms... but at it's heart it's really just a simple love poem, which is perhaps the most universal thing there is. Everything is cyclical, and the beginning of something is always more potent than it's end. Just a pretty little thing.

Sublime! I loved reading it. The rhyme is not strained rather seamless. In my opinion, there lies a Excellent brevity in poem, every stanza spills its own feeling in a bowl of reader's mind. First stanza starts off with destruction, we have caused how we are guilty about it, and its eating us gradually from inside and we condemn ourselves. But its those last two stanza which leaves reader with hope and sanguinity that we can still rebuilt, the lines like roses will rise, even when bodies are departing, dying amid all those fears and destruction, hate WE in unity tieing our hands and our purpose can still transform or reconstruct. All this in end creates a sad but hopeful mix of feeling in bowl. The poem is beautiful.thank you so much for sharing. Will surely look.for more. Keep writing:)

I like it!!!

Reminds me of the one I just wrote

Reality, I’m so sick of the word Truth is subjective Haven’t you heard?

Many are lost, But many can find That the peace they seek Is right inside

It all makes sense, When you open your eyes, Connect all the dots and Look past the lies What we are is above, One of a kind So live it up and love, And explore your mind

I see blue, you see green Same goes for life And all things between

What does it mean? Why am I here? I have seen there is nothing to fear

The end is coming, The curtain call, It’s time to be loving, And stand up tall

This strikes me as uniquely anarchist for you siam. I'm here for it.

As usual, love the tight rhythm and perfect rhymes you've got going, ABCB until the very last stanza where you switch it up to ABAB, which honestly works really well and isn't jarring at all.

For me, I interpreted this poem in two ways. The first was on a 'macro' level, the more obvious message you are getting across, which is the idea of 'out with the old and in with the new' when it comes to our world/civilisation. In a sense, the narrator is saying we are beyond repair, but on the other side of the coin, the narrator is also explicitly saying that what is broken can be fixed. It is an interesting dichotomy and you really nail the melancholy yet hopeful tone.

The other way I can't help but interpret this is on the micro level of an individual relationship, perhaps a romantic one. I can see it as the overcoming of a difficult/tumultuous period during the relationship, and the narrator is saying that this previous version of themselves has died, and now they can start anew, stronger, with a true sense of hope. (This is probably just my curtains are blue interpretation).

Either way, love it siam.

Thank you for sharing as always :)

Good poem. Hits heavy due to the strong word choice. Something about apocalypse or dystopia really tittilates me, don’t know why. Keep it up.

It is so hopeful.

Especially 3rd paragraph and 2 last lines make it seem like magic. Really liked it.

I like the optimistic ending, that really feels like those flowers protruding out of rock!

I love how the poem reveals itself to be a love poem in the last two lines. As if the speaker is making some melancholy statement of the end of the world, but finding hope and happiness in love - gaining the passion to rebuild everything that was lost afterwards.

I also found the poem to be rather satisfying to read. I picked up on the pattern in the rhythm of the words and it did help pull me along. In particular I think the first stanza is the most consistent in its rhythm, and that part was the most satisfying. Not only due to the fantastic diction used to describe an apocalypse, but more subtly the influence of the mixed iambic and anapestic rhythm to the words.

I found this piece to be remarkably beautiful, and I found it so satisfying to see someone paying good attention to the detail that is the rhythm of a piece. I am no master of that level of detail myself, but if I could offer anything to help you improve, may I recommend the website called Versepad - it has an option which shows you the meter and I have found it to be quite useful as a tool to double check the rhythm. It was made by someone on this subreddit so I feel an obligation to shout it out where I think its appropriate.

This is, IMHO, all of the things a good poem should be. I love that you are keeping alive "traditional poetry" with rhythm and rhyme. This is similar to how I write as well, so I acknowledge my personal bias. Great title, fantastic use of interesting words. It contains both tragedy and hope which is a reflection of this world and our experience of life itself. This is a realistic assessment of the state of things with a reminder of the beauty that is always worth fighting for. I am glad to know that poetry isn't dead. Poetry should have meaning and this certainly does. Bravo!

Amazing work. Really like the line roses rising from cracks in stone, really good imagery and equally good metaphor.

The rhyming scheme works really beautifully.

The end is positive and optimistic which balances out the destruction and despair all around. Really love it.

This is really, really good. Inspiring actually, given that I'm more accustomed to more apocalyptic, darker themes in poetry. I like how the syllabic structure is consistent, altering between 6-5-6-5 between each line in the four stanzas. This is something that I have found really difficult because choosing the right word with proper syllabic structure can sometimes be a pain! Other than that, this poem is really great and I'm looking forward to your future posts.

Apocalyptic tinged with a sense of hope, your poem has clearly been split into two, juxtaposed to one another. This contrast is the main reason your verse is so effective. I also appreciate the simplicity and lack of clichè expressions for the majority. Poetry is about producing new perspectives through inventive syntax and wordplay, you achieve that no doubt. Lastly, I'd also say the meaning is hardly obscured at all until the last stanza in which there is a little mystery. For the theme you are trying to communicate, this a great structure to use.

My feedback would only really refer to the usage of a 'rose' as your chosen flora. That is one area that is rather cliché although it still does the job in terms of projecting a clear meaning to the reader. I'm guilty of looking to the rose as a symbol myself but we must remind ourselves there are plenty of other ways to suggest beauty from humanities destruction.

It's funny reading some of the poems on here and how similar they have been in regards to themes my own poetry has discussed or thoughts that have passed through my head. Yours is definitely one of those and it's a testament to understanding the human condition so thank you for this lovely bit of work.

Again you’ve produced a stunning poem with stellar imagery, I love how person the darling makes it. The themes of creation and ruin and renewal are really well woven into it.

Big budget Hollywood has failed to tell this story many times, and you did it very well with 16 lines. I especially like the concept of creation being sown from destruction. But my favorite element is the introduction of a character at the end…whoever says, “stay with ME.” It creates almost a sense of adventure as if this is the opening scene of a story of survival, and an audience is invited to follow along.

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