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r/raisedbynarcissists•
CommunicatesPoorly

Nmother always insulting

[Rant/Vent]

Been listening to "Mothers Who Can't Love" by Susan Forward. It's been very cathartic.

However, a lot of weird memories, some of the less traumatic ones actually, have been bubbling to the surface. These are memories that were hurtful and I thought I had forgot.

I have weird taste in clothes -- Um, I guess. As a child and teen, I really liked the adult clothes -- I hated the cheap, child clothes. My mother would dress me in the most infantile crap, big teeshirts with Disney characters on them. I hated it.

I remember this one time in high school at like kmart or a department store, I found this a-line ankle length dress and it actually made me look nice, it wasn't revealing or anything -- I looked like who I felt I was on the inside --My mother called it "old lady ish" -- another time I favored a crocheted top -- super cute -- nope, old lady ish again.

When I was 10 I had a full figure. I hit and stopped puberty all in one year, and I found a swim suit that actually fit me -- it was classy. It was a black one piece with a gold zipper.

It was cheap. All my clothes came from the clearance racks -- that's the only place we shopped -- I loved how it actually fit me and it wasn't childish and it was conservative (at 10 and older and always I really didn't/don't like my boobs or ass showing) -- Nope -- too old lady ish.

We left kmart with the worst little kid swimsuit and she told me I would just have to try to lose weight and fit into it.

I was so uncomfortable at the beach and swimming. I felt so ugly in the clothes she made me wear.

Posted Aug 15, 2021, 5:02 PM UTC

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Sea-Marsupial-9414•

I can relate to this. I think nmoms really prefer the young childhood stages where you were dependent on them? Mine made me wear childish clothing for way too long. Shirts with hearts on them, pink and purple socks, ruffly things, etc. I hated it so much.

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CommunicatesPoorlyOP•

Yes! I think it could be that and like some strange link to their own fear of aging -- if they have an old child, then they are older -- but also yes, the infantilization tendency is huge with nmoms too -- they have to have that dominance no matter what -- ugh!

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Sea-Marsupial-9414•

I agree. Hey, thanks for the book recommendation, I am going to check that out.

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alderaangirl•

I can totally relate but in a different way. She would also call my style oldladyish and even my natural hair color!!! She bleaches her hair and she was bleaching mine too, but I always wanted to wear my natural hair color. I just had this gut feeling she would yell at me if I’d colored it. When I turned 18, I colored my hair to my natural color and she was disgusted. Her face was unbelievable. I was so scared to come home and she told me I look like I’m 60 and was very angry for several days. Never ever bleached my hair again. I’ve been feeling so much myself ever since!

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CommunicatesPoorlyOP•

I'm so glad you reclaimed your natural color!

This must be a go to phrase of narcissists -- that fear of aging that so many of them have -- then, it's like projected onto their offspring in weird ways.

So ugh!!! for her saying that to you -- but yay! for you getting your hair color to what you wanted!

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