[2025] Once Upon A Time in Gaza

Hello everyone,

I have reached a juncture about halfway through my first novel and figured it was time to try and get some feedback on my writing so I can start correcting any glaring errors on my zero draft before completing it.

The novel itself is a military sci-fi horror. This particular section which I am looking for a critique is a key flashback/reveal chapter for my main character so there isn't much sci-fi in this particular chapter but it does have a pile of action. The full chapter is ~6800 words so this short 2000 words segment is again just to see if I'm on the right track.

This chapter is a full rated-R combat action. I have done some reading of first-hand accounts to help bring some of it to life so this is definitely an NSFW.

*EDIT* I suppose I should also preface my main character a bit here so you know what his purpose is as there is some racist content in this chapter. Elijah's arc is a redemption arc so this chapter reveals a key life event for his journey. One of my other main characters is a young Palestinian women so they will be foiling each other and bringing the Israeli-Palestinian conflict to life. My end-goal is to transcend the mutual racism and hate through the events of the novel to find common humanity.

At this stage I'm looking to see if I'm accomplishing the following:

-Is it believable?

-Does it flow logically?

-Does it give enough character perspective to put you in Elijah's shoes for what is happening?

-Is there enough description? What is missing?

-Am I trying to do TOO much?

-Does it grab you and make you want to know what is going to happen?

Thank you for your time and responses.

Here is a link to the Google Doc: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1aWzkjj22UG0_bD-XQjd5klj0Qz9OjJ7NJ9ZX4fpCucU/edit?usp=sharing