tim0777•

There is a quality to this that I find intentional. I think you are trying to keep the description repetitive and somewhat monotonous to mimic the feeling of depression and or intense sadness.

I've written pieces like this myself, where it has a "what is there really left to say?" quality, so I relate to the sentiment.

Obviously, the metaphor of the storm as weeping, the parallel of that to your own state, works well. But I like the repetition here. It is purposeful and impactful, at least to me.

I enjoyed this. Thank you for sharing.

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ghostysburner•

I like the imagery not much to say other then I think the first line has a spelling error I think you meant darkest

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God_of_hyper_death9OP•

Yes, you are correct thx again I will change that now.

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dercio11•

Alright, I will be honest in my assesment.

The repitition is awakward. It would have been better if the "darkest hour" line were repeated rhythmically. As it is, it is not very enjoyable to read.

No new meaning is conveyed in each section. Personally, it feels repetitive. Yes, you are sad, but we don't get to see different angles of that sadness or the reasons or how its affecting or have any variety.

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hammadk1994•

Short and melancholy.

I love the use of the word storm.

Favorite line: a storm wept

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[deleted]•

[removed]

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