Wept
In my darkest hour
A storm wept
It cried day in,
And day out.
It was in my darkest hour
That the storm passed overhead,
And In my darkest hour, I wept
As the sadness was unbearable
And as the storm wept above.
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/p823on/no_grey_deed_unpunished/
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/p7qr4w/time_is_all_it_takes/
Posted Aug 20, 2021, 10:58 AM UTC · edited
There is a quality to this that I find intentional. I think you are trying to keep the description repetitive and somewhat monotonous to mimic the feeling of depression and or intense sadness.
I've written pieces like this myself, where it has a "what is there really left to say?" quality, so I relate to the sentiment.
Obviously, the metaphor of the storm as weeping, the parallel of that to your own state, works well. But I like the repetition here. It is purposeful and impactful, at least to me.
I enjoyed this. Thank you for sharing.