[deleted by user]

Overall, your excerpt is intriguing, and I’m interested in finding out more about it. I also like the prose, it’s concise and precise, and the words chosen are fitting and invoke emotion.

A few things I noticed are: 1st paragraph: The first sentence is awkward, and as someone stated, better off left in the same tense as in the other sentences. There is a time and place to change tenses, but I’d say this is not it. The imagery in the last sentence of the first paragraph is nice, I can really feel the scene happening.

2nd paragraph: When you write “Eventually, even the gunpowder and artillery prove maddening,” do you mean that they were not before? I mean, I know she focuses on them so she doesn’t have to smell the stench, but I’d say gunpowder, artillery, and other images of war are always maddening. I love how you describe her “menu for starvation,” and even how you call it that!

3rd paragraph: “Soldat” is “soldier” in many languages, but I only speak German aside from English, and I can say that “Soldat” is “soldier” in German. Does this particular word have to be in another language? I know that many won’t immediately associate the word with its meaning, although it is implied from the context and the word itself. Also, the plural of “Soldat” would be “Soldaten” in German, and in this sentence, the plural should be used. Of course, I’m just being picky, but when one speaks both English and German, it’s a bit jarring. Again, the imagery and descriptive language is awesome.

Others have pointed this out already, but you already have associated money with food. When you associate money with glory, does that mean glory becomes their food? It’s kind of confusing to associate something with two different other things.

4th Paragraph: “By December, the menu is scribbled out because even her dreams are too costly.” Awesome.

What to look out for: Clarity-Just try to figure out with glory, money, and food all means for Valia and the soldiers.

The Good: Prose, general intrigue of the story, how well you’ve described the emotions

I have nothing else to critique, because I say this is a solid piece, and you got me hooked. Good job, and I hope to see more of your work! Let me know if you have anything else.

Bloody lovely, dark, emotive, vivid- the right amount of grit and hope. I found myself really empathising with Valia.

A few picks from me;

• I wouldn't use 'anyways' It's not natural English, unless you mean for it to sound European/accented (which definitely works in this case ) - otherwise just anyway
• I struggle the mostly with the third paragraph, BUT I'm finding it hard to articulate why. Though I love the line "under the jackboots kicking up reddened snow" I feelthe tense is off in context of the full sentence. Plus, the full sentence is very long and the subject of (them/their) isn't totally clear to the reader really until the end.

EG: " Under the shuffle of jackboots that kick up reddened snow, their lives are quashed by the heal of sweat and terror. A goal is what keeps them sane" perhaps

This isn't perfect either, but I hope you can see what I mean with my gripe, I wonder if someone can help me elaborate on this- because I'm having a hard time!

• I get a bit of whiplash from ending on:

For many, glory becomes their money. For all—…

and then

Money is worth nothing during the siege

• My brain is like, "money= glory" but the next sentence just says "money=nothing" Do you get what I mean? I wonder if rather than money you talk about the obsolescence of notes and coins? Or move "money means nothing" before establishing "money=glory".
• Not really a crit; though I thought the story was going to take a much darker route at the end with the exposition of bodies, then the elaboration on meat in the middle. Not sure if intentional or not, but was good for tension!

Anyway, as I said, fabulous work- I enjoyed it and hope I can offer even a modicum of help.

This is a short piece so my critique will focus on thoughts on the individual stanzas.

Every single day, somebody else was being buried. At sixteen, Valia Chepko knows this; she knows it well because she helps lug their bodies into the ditches. She also knows it leaves her smelling of excrement. But money is food, and if she is to survive the coming winter they will need to be rich. Mother and father tell her this anyways, so she learns to focus on the acrid scent of gunpowder and the distant thunder of artillery fire.

It might be better instead of talking about her smelling of excrement, you show her reaction to smelling of excrement.

She gags at their smell. But money is food...

Also, while I get the scent of gunpowder part, how does the distant thunder of artillery fire come into play? You haven't used sound anywhere else so I don't know why she's focusing on it to distract her from a smell.

Eventually, even gunpowder and artillery prove maddening. Luckily the ditches are full, and she spends her time drafting a modest menu for starvation. Her first course consists of potato with mushrooms, or fermented cabbage soup. Second, oats, barley, or plain rice. And meat? In dreams, she courts cutlets with purée and sausage with kasha.

I don't like the first sentence. It seems to have no relation to the rest of this piece. Its about a girl starving fantasizing about food. Where does gunpowder and artillery come into play?

I'd much prefer:

When the ditches are full, she spends her time...

The soldat are told that their worth is measured by the amount of Germans they bury. Under the shuffle of jackboots kicking up reddened snow, and lives quashed by heel of sweat and terror, a goal is what keeps them sane. For many, glory becomes their money. For all—

I feel like this does not follow the theme of the rest of this piece until we get to the very last line. Can we make it all about "wealth"?

The soldat count the number of Germans they bury. Under the shuffle of jackboots kicking up reddened now, and lives quashed by heel of sweat and terror, this number is their only currency. Glory becomes their money.

It doesn't have to be this, but let's keep the "wealth" theme going throughout the paragraph instead of just at the end.

Money is worth nothing during the siege. Valia Chepko learns this; she learns it well because there is no more food to buy. By December, the menu is scribbled out because even her dreams are too costly.

I don't like the "too costly" section right after saying that money is worthless. It implies that she doesn't have enough money to afford it when that's not the case at all.

Most of the soldat are buried in winter, rich. Valia will be buried in the spring, rich.

I like it.

Small comment: is your usage of the word ”soldat” meant to refer to ”soldiers”? As in, plural of soldier. Or is this word referring to something else? A lot of bilingual speakers might be confused in either case because ”soldat” is the singular in most germanic languages for soldier. German plural form is ”soldaten”.

Every single day, somebody else was being buried.

Being doesn't actually add a ton here. I think it would flow better with "somebody else is being buried". I also second the bit from other critiques about tense.

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At sixteen, Valia Chepko knows this; she knows it well because she helps lug their bodies into the ditches.

I don't think you need "well" here, because the second half of the sentence portrays a situation which implies that the understanding would be viscerally imprinted on her.

I do however think that this does a really effective job of interesting us in the character, and her situation.

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She also knows it leaves her smelling of excrement. But money is food, and if she is to survive the coming winter they will need to be rich.

Here you have the opportunity to convey the information more efficiently by cutting out the middle thought and using juxtaposition. Think:

"She also knows it leaves her smelling of excrement. But to eat through the coming winter, they will need to be rich."

By letting the reader make those connections, you involve them in the process of storytelling, and they internalize the ideas more.

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Under the shuffle of jackboots kicking up reddened snow, and lives quashed by heel of sweat and terror, a goal is what keeps them sane.

This is very much a weirdly pierced together sentence, and while I usually really like that, it doesn't feel like it contributes as much here. I think it's because the phrases don't play off one another in an interesting way.

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Most of the soldat are buried in winter, rich.

Valia will be buried in the spring, rich.

Strong ending. I genuinely felt emotions at this. I think your writing is a great example of how lyrical prose can be used to evoke character, even when there isn't enough space to create a unique character. I also like how you worked a plot into the story, but in a simple and subtle way.

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If you don't write poetry, I strongly recommend that you try doing so. As for this story, I think that with a little bit of polishing, it will be amazing! I strongly recommend submitting to flash fiction markets.

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I think you should make some changes, but only sparingly. I wouldn't "destroy" anything.