2 AM

I like how ambiguous the poem is. at first, I thought (perhaps naively) that the woman was sneaking into bed because she is a considerate partner who didn't want to wake the narrator up. on second thought, I am questioning if there is a lot more going on. maybe the woman doesn't want the narrator to know she was out so late (or even out at all). if so, is this because the narrator is controlling? or is it because she is having an affair of sorts? sometimes, I appreciate it when a poem poses more questions than answers.

I also found it interesting how the narrator is an observer here, listening tentatively to each stiletto step. perhaps sneaking glances of the woman undressing. this imagery has the potential to be erotic. but the ending steers the poem down a different path. the woman thinks her partner is sleeping, because he is pretending to sleep. rather than aroused, he is likely feeling betrayed, but is perhaps not ready to confront her.

I think the simple title "2AM" was the perfect choice for setting the scene and tone. I also enjoyed the attention to detail in the poem - with the smell of sandalwood and the vinyl floor. overall, I really liked it.

Hey person. I actually kinda like your poem. I think the imagery is really cool, like I was directly picturing in my head what was happening and not just reading the words. The word syncopated took me out of it and I had to look it up afterwards so maybe in like a simple poem like this the complicated word does more harm then good. Also the dresser and dressing felt a little weird. But yeah cool poem.

This story is well constructed. The title sets it in time, but doesn't give away the twist ending. If I were a more astute reader, I maybe could have picked up on the common cologne ingredient and the coiled heaps of clothing on the floor. Instead, they served as subtle foreshadows that made the unexpected ending hit stronger.

There is no seduction here. Instead, a stilettoed partner is out late. Coming in drunk at 2 am. Hoping not to be noticed.

Nice alliteration LT. The picture here is very clear and as usual your word choices has made for a gentle and graceful canvas. I am still starving to know if the person getting into bed smelled of sandalwood before they (she) left the house in the first place, or if even the bed she is climbing into is her own. But these questions don't leave me wanting too much. In fact I like being able to round out a story on my own sometimes. Thanks as always for sharing!

I really liked it. In my opinion I have a wild imagination so to see something end so anti climatic opens up so many more doors in my head. Instead of over explaining and giving the ending people are fishing for. You left me wondering. ‘Why she coming home so late? Is this normal?’ I want to know more about their lives and don’t even know why. Great work!

Thank you for sharing your poem with us. Skillful and intriguing piece.

Interesting twist with the final phrase. The partner is trying not to disturb the sleep of the narrator, but the narrator's been observing the whole time. Not quite sure what to make of it, but I do like that tension.

I want to commend you on the blank verse. Rock-solid iambic pentameter with excellent enjambment in most of the lines. I have a few metrical observations to make.

And hear each syncopated step the heels
Of your stilettos make, as you make way

This is textbook iambic pentameter — but here I think that regularity undermines the word "syncopated." Personally, I'd like to see an inverted foot or extra syllable or something to enact that syncopation in the meter of the poem. I'm a real sucker for that kind of thing.

The dresser, leaving clothes in coiled heaps,

Are you scanning "coiled" as two syllables? Traditionally, it would be considered a one-syllable diphthong. Something like "royals" would usually be two syllables. However, I've seen Rafael Campo poems where he counts diphthongs as two-syllable words, so what do I know?

And knees, so as to not disturb my sleep.

I would scan this as

and KNEES so as NOT to dis TURB my SLEEP

that is, not iambic pentameter. Here my reservation is similar to my "syncopated" comment but in the opposite direction. I want to hear unvarying iambic pentameter here. The break in meter does disturb my peace as a reader. In that light I can't help but read it as an unsuccessful attempt at stealth by the returning partner.

Thanks again for sharing your poem, and I hope my thoughts are of some use to you.

I love this! I’m definitely going to write this one in my diary. I keep the poems that I find fascinating or relatable, hope you wouldn’t mind that.

I like how this poem actually leaves it’s true meaning dependent on the reader’s interpretation of it. The ambiguity. The imagery. Wow. So much in just a minuscule poem. Well done.

Love it. The shadows of time remind us it is ever fleeting. Your poem truly makes me wonder how we should spend it.

Very well written! You pull the reader in fantastically with your style. Nothing but praise from me well done!

I see that you're breaking sentences up to fit the meter, and I like that in this poem. I am thinking of a dim room, in a bed, peeking at a disrobing partner. It's intimate and quiet, and the lines feel like thoughts half started or finished. The way a sleepy brain thinks. I want to point to some things that threw me off though.

There are a lot of 'and' and 'the'. The dresser, the sandlewood, the heels, our vinyl floor. My favorite lines are probably

The dresser, leaving clothes in coiled heaps,

Before then easing into bed on hands

minus the 'the'. Reading it feels smooth, the action is smooth, the things are just there, they don't have to be pointed to with 'the'. It's just, clothes, heaps, bed, hands. That hits right, and makes me feel those things.

One not very important question I have is why stillettos? They are very evocative shoes, and not quiet or I would argue intimate (just my feeling about them, I think of them as more sex or status symbols). What kind of partner am I watching? A kind one? A cheating one? A new, or old one? I have questions, and who is watching? Is it surreptitious? It is loving? is it familiar? I want to know what I should feel about this moment, and I'm not sure I do right now.
Nice poem! Keep it up!

I read this as a very sad poem. The sandalwood, stilettos, the crawling on hands and knees are all used craft-fully to hint at an infidelity the voice of the poem could not bring themselves to acknowledge.

The syncopated steps conjured the image of a clumsy drunk being louder than they think they are, and contrasted nicely with the rigid metre connoting the clear mind of the voice of the poem.

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Other comments here seem to suggest that something more may be going on than what is described in this poem, but I'd like to focus on how well this poem engages the reader's senses by using specific, concrete words (sandalwood, syncopated, heels, vinyl floor, heaps, hands and knees, etc). This effectively absorbs the reader into the situation described in the poem, giving them a good start at wondering what the situation is about.

I enjoyed the feeling this gave. It's like a bookmark in time of a memory trigger. Funny how often looked over things can evoke emotion.