There's this meme and it reminds me of why I'm NC for life

There's this meme that's been going around and it's like "F*ck People. Get the red car and people will say you should have gotten blue. Go to trade school and people will say you should have gone to college. Start a business and people will say you should go get a job." I'm paraphrasing here, but I hope you get the idea.

Then the meme (with a picture of a motivational speaker at the top) says that people will always have an opinion, don't try to please them, and do what you were going to do anyway.

I keep reading this meme over and over again. My nfather, when I let him back into my life, always had something to say about everything I did. I wanted to start a business in my 20's -- I have my degree, but always found myself underemployed and working in places I hated. He talked me out of it. It was a big regret. I wanted to join the military to help pay off my student debt and get more education -- he told me I couldn't physically do it. He told me I wasn't good enough. I was too liberal -- I was too feminine. I swear, I look back at the things he said about me to my face and I wonder who he was looking at or talking about! I've always been a tomboy! I'm very hard working and I could have started a business years ago. Instead, I put so much extra work and effort into working these low wage jobs and I got exploited.

He always told me any and every decision I made was wrong and bad. He talked me out of good decisions. My nmother was the same way.

Anything I did was wrong, not good enough, never pleased them, and they never gave me an ounce of support. They see someone when they look at me, they think of someone when they think of me, but whoever the heck they're seeing isn't an accurate portrayal of all I've struggled to become. I work harder than both of them ever had to. Nmother stole from me to get her education and Nfather had rich parents -- money that stayed with him and some bits filtered to his step children. I didn't have basic necessities growing up, but his step kids went to $800 soccer camps (in the 90's!) and had all these new electronics.

My nmother used my name to get student loans for her. She also used child support money to pay her way through school and graduate with little to no debt. I was left to fend for myself, while she played victim and told the whole extended family I was abusive to her. I was just a kid and teen! I tried so hard to make her love me!

Anytime they were in my life, they used me -- for emotional nonsense or their own financial gain. I never could get the red car. I could be covered from head to toe and I would never be dressed conservative enough for them. Especially with step sisters on both sides who dressed like little hookers when they were young and they were revered!

I'm old now, so I can't show any skin without looking trashy -- so I just aim for classy. Both both nrents taught me to hate my body. To abuse myself. To punish myself. To never try because even when I put myself into something fully -- working hard day and night -- according to both of them -- that was never, ever good enough.

This is why I have to stay no contact. They will do anything they can to talk me out of living my life to the fullest. I'm trying to quit my job and sustain myself doing what I love. If either were still in my life, instead of a loving "You can do it!" it would be a million reasons why I can't, shouldn't, or won't be able to.

Nrents are so messed up. Parents are supposed to guide, support, and give love. They're not supposed to be overly critical, condescending, nor bash all of our hopes into impossibilities.

I was so hard on myself (something else they criticized me for, funnily enough) and I just made everything a zillion times harder -- I would try so hard, overly hard on things I didn't need to -- to prove that maybe even though I was garbage, I could maybe hang out with all the normal, capable people for a few seconds. If I ever got a compliment, I never trusted it. I always heard one of their voices telling me the compliment was just because the person felt sorry for me, pitied me, or was "just being nice" or they "had to say it" because whatever I did was so bad and pathetic....

So messed up.

And that's why I'm no contact forever. I don't need to wait until they're dead to actually work towards what I want to do in life. Also, the work it's taken me to understand that 1. I'm not mentally disabled in a way that would keep me from achieving a normal enough life (omg they both would tell people and myself I had all these disabilities too -- very disrespectful to all the people out there with real disabilities kicking major butt at life!), 2. I'm not worthless, while everyone else is inherently more worthy than I'll ever be, and 3. Everything they told me was a lie because they wanted to manipulate me or literally steal money by taking out student loans in my name.

So F them. And yay for that meme. Thanks meme, I would like to remake it in a way that talks about nrents.

I might or might not.

Thanks for reading. Love and support to you all.