Dark Flower

this dark flower

rises before me

I know it will sicken me

I know it will poison me

but all I seek

is a caress from it

​

this dark flower

I take it in my hand

but it burns me

it pierces my skin

but all I seek is love from it

​

I see this dark flower

darken the earth

darken the waters around me

I see the sickness and corruption it brings

but all I wanted is love from it

​

this dark flower

burning the ground

it rises from

it wraps around me

suffocating me

it never leaves me

it never frees me

​

why did this dark flower

cling itself to me

and poison me with it’s love

why did this dark flower

cling itself to me

and poison me with it’s blood

​

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/pokznp/i_died_long_ago/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/porj29/a_question_of_rain/

Posted Sep 16, 2021, 12:39 AM UTC

109
katcheyy•

I like your poem, thanks for sharing. It makes me think of a toxic relationship personified in a dark flower.

If you want some critiques, one thing I might mention is that you use the word "it" quite often. For example, in the line "but all I wanted was love from it", you could probably just drop the "from it". Also, "is" should be "was" in this same line.

I like how the speaker knows that the flower with sicken them, yet goes for it anyway. It makes for a more complex relationship dynamic, and hints at some repeating themes in the speaker's past, perhaps. I guess it makes me think.

Thanks for sharing. I am pretty new to poetry but I hope my critique was somewhat useful to you.

2
Orpheus1996OP•

Thanks, I hope you enjoyed it and it was meaningful.

1
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1
IDI3•

I really like the imagery with "this dark flower burning the ground pit rises from". For some reason I image a person tied to a tree while black roses rise from the ground and as they get closer they start dripping magma which starts to burn the ground. I didn't really like how it flowed, but other than that i enjoyed. Great job.

1
BlueJayAvery•

I take it this is about nicotine addiction or am I projecting?

I enjoyed this, but I would change the 3rd stanza to be more matchy, opening with "this dark flower" again, and then the opening of the final stanza something like "now, why did this dark flower"

1
Orpheus1996OP•

A drug addiction, hmmm, that’s an interesting interpretation…. Could you explain that a little more?

2
BlueJayAvery•

Oh, I was thinking like a literal dark flower, or a tobacco leaf, but if you are saying it is more about a different kind of love then that is cool

3
Orpheus1996OP•

I like your interpretation better actually. :)

3
BlueJayAvery•

Haha, maybe it is just my head space at the moment since I recently quit tobacco 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Also, cool username, I am also a '96 baby (but I have the brains of atleast 97 babies) and a classics nerd, so it is good to know the kind of people here :)

2