Dark Flower
this dark flower
rises before me
I know it will sicken me
I know it will poison me
but all I seek
is a caress from it
this dark flower
I take it in my hand
but it burns me
it pierces my skin
but all I seek is love from it
I see this dark flower
darken the earth
darken the waters around me
I see the sickness and corruption it brings
but all I wanted is love from it
this dark flower
burning the ground
it rises from
it wraps around me
suffocating me
it never leaves me
it never frees me
why did this dark flower
cling itself to me
and poison me with it’s love
why did this dark flower
cling itself to me
and poison me with it’s blood
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/pokznp/i_died_long_ago/
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/porj29/a_question_of_rain/
Posted Sep 16, 2021, 12:39 AM UTC
I like your poem, thanks for sharing. It makes me think of a toxic relationship personified in a dark flower.
If you want some critiques, one thing I might mention is that you use the word "it" quite often. For example, in the line "but all I wanted was love from it", you could probably just drop the "from it". Also, "is" should be "was" in this same line.
I like how the speaker knows that the flower with sicken them, yet goes for it anyway. It makes for a more complex relationship dynamic, and hints at some repeating themes in the speaker's past, perhaps. I guess it makes me think.
Thanks for sharing. I am pretty new to poetry but I hope my critique was somewhat useful to you.
Thanks, I hope you enjoyed it and it was meaningful.