> like old ropes thrown off a ship into the ocean

  is an analogy I liked; I feel it. 

> they choke and join the rest,
> flopping lifeless the swell

this is also a beautiful line. It made me think about sinking to the depths. Now if you'll excuse me I'll go eat so midnight snacks

Overall nice poem. The rythem at the beginning is weird to me (the line I lap it off the floor and swallow it sounds weird to me after reading the first 3); it's slightly longer than them and ends with an 'e' sound.

Thanks for your feedback! I agree that there's a lot of jumping between different settings and imagery, and perhaps it would be more coherent to let this be a poem focused on say, nautical imagery.

I’m a big fan of this, Moose, I think you have an amazing knack for imagery, I mean, nearly every line is  dripping gold (pun intended lol). It’s all very evocative, and surreal, which I think works great with the subject matter. Speaking of, I’m kind of taking it that the “midnight snacks” from the title are the words of the subject that the narrator is thinking about throughout the poem. 

If you were looking for thoughts on possible improvements, I really only have one, and that would be, I think the bee imagery from the first stanza falls a little short compared to the amazing ocean imagery of the second. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still good on its own, but compared the second stanza, you really just touched on it, though the “spit bees” was really clever to me. The switch from sweet to salt was also beautifully done imo. 

Though maybe this was on purpose, maybe there was more “salt” than “sweet” on purpose. Either way, I really enjoyed this Moose, thanks for the nice read :)

Thank you! Yeah, it's an interesting challenge to make something engaging and coherent out of an intense feeling about something complex that you don't fully understand which is what I'm trying to do here, in fact half the reason I write stuff is to try and help myself make sense of life's mysteries 🙃

This poem is incredible! The imagery is really good. I love the line “Others dance between the ribs of hopeful whales”. To me that really conveys how, though starving, the subject is still hopeful that the very thing hurting it will feed it. To me it seems like the poem is about a toxic relationship? Maybe something parasitic, where the subject of the poem is starved for attention and will do anything to get it, as mentioned in the line “and when you're bored you starve me until bags of salt dropped in my mouth like old ropes thrown off a ship into the ocean taste like heaven.” The rhyme scheme is great and gives the poem a wonderful rhythm, and nearly every line has incredible imagery.

>Words slip off your tongue and onto mine  
like honey dropping from a hive,  
and when you're bored you starve me

&#x200B;

You have wonderful imagery in this poem, the lines above are my favorite. I like the juxtaposition of the feeling of bittersweet connections.


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It doesn't matter if you sing to me,  
or spit bees and rubber bands.  
If you say anything at all  
I lap it off the floor and swallow it.  
Words slip off your tongue and onto mine  
like honey dropping from a hive,  
and when you're bored you starve me  
until bags of salt dropped in my mouth  
like old ropes thrown off a ship into the ocean  
taste like heaven.  

Some thoughts you planted in my head  
are drowned and drifting on the seabed  
like plasters in a swimming pool.  
Others dance between the ribs  
of hopeful whales  
like hagfish gorging til  
they choke and join the rest,  
flopping lifeless in the swell  
like geese with broken necks.  

.


https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/pqr97v/lover_lost/hdi8i2j

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/ppky7z/little_doors/hdi9xlj

Midnight Snacks