(spoilers/rant) Han Sooyoung is underrated.

Hello, welcome to my rant. I've never done such things but I felt like I needed to get that off my chest.

The complete title would be "1863rd Han Sooyoung is underrated" but for spoilers reason, I didn't write that.

So, I love all the characters of the story. Each one of them have unique traits and personality that makes me want to protect all of them. Out of all the characters, you have of course, the main three.

The three of them have a kind of relationship where they don't entirely know much about each other (like their true emotions) but have complete trust in the others. Out of the three, Han Sooyoung is my least favorite. I love her, but I like Dokja and Joonghyuk a bit more for no special reason, but after reading the end of the novel, my opinion completely changed and the reason being : the 1863rd turn Han Sooyoung.

When the avatar ability was first introduced, i thought it would simply be about creating a human looking creature that you could just throw in a battle to make some distractions or something. But after Sooyoung's explanation about the skill, about her clone and the two Joonghyuk, I began to realize that this skill was much more.

The clones becomes you, with their part of your memories. It would then make sense to have an "original" but when you give your clone a big part of your memory, there's not really an original anymore. They will act like you because of the memory you gave them. And that's exactly what happened with the 1863rd turn Sooyoung. She does all the things that the "original" Sooyoung would do. They count as different and same. Now here's my point :

1863rd turn Sooyoung is the most fucking tragic character of the whole story.

This woman, sacrificed the whole world to save the life of a random 15 yo boy. Yes she met Dokja before and they fought and talked together, but at that point, at least to me, they didn't feel close enough to risk anything for the other. Yet that's what she did.

She reached the endings of the scenarios which was what she wanted. Yet she didn't hesitate to bring it back just for Dokja, knowing damn well that she would dissappear.

The "real" Sooyoung would have probably thought that sacrifices were necessary but her view changed after meeting Dokja and learning of his hard life. For some reason (that I still don't know) she decided that sacrificing the whole world instead would be better. And that's so fucking sad.

While writing twsa she knew she was bringing the end but still continued, just for Dokja. Can you imagine the amount of will she had ? I still wonder how she didn't just had a breakdown while writing the chapters. She knew exactly what she was doing, about all the lifes that she was going to take. She was completely guilty and yes, this is literally all her fault. The scenarios exist because of her choice. If she had just let Dokja die then none of it would happen.

She could have a been a hero and save the whole world by not writing anything, but did she truly became a villain by writing it ?

The answer is no.

Sacrificing someone's life for the greater good does not make you a hero. And Sooyoung knew that. Heroes and Villains are roles, stereotypes, stories. That Sooyoung accepted the fact that she would be neither of those, and that she would be nothing. She would be a background character that everyone forgets about, which is exactly what happens. She is not the author, she is someone with no roles or labels, someone worthless. She had nothing to lose because she had nothing to begin with. The moment she opened her heart to the young Dokja was the moment she lost everything.

And she wrote the story because she had nothing to lose. She didn't care about anything because she was going to die anyway. All she wanted was for Dokja to survive, knowing that he would be alive during the scenarios. That was literally all she had ; The knowledge of Dokja being alive.

She did all that out of pure sympathy. And wasn't even able to see the result of her hardwork.

When she disappeared, I fucking cried. And you know what's worse ? It's the fact that she had no regrets.

This Sooyoung would do the exact same if she was asked, and she does. You know why ? Because this whole shit is a loop. She created a whole paradox that only she herself can stop but each time, she never does that.

Yes, she merged with Sooyoung but, because it's a loop, that means Sooyoung always creates her and lose her, only for her to end up in the 1863rd turn, finish the scenario, go back in time, write the novel. Every single time. But she has no memory of that.

Forget about Joonghyuk regressing 1864 times or Dokja spending an eternity in the train, Sooyoung is the real prisoner of the loop. Because if she isn't repeating all that then Joonghyuk and Dokja also wouldn't.

The story that we read is actually a copy of something that already happened in another timeline and we have no idea how many timelines existed before this one.

You will probably tell me that unlike the other two, she at least does not remember anything, but that actually make it all worse. She does not know that she did all that for the I don't knowth times. She doesn't know that she is trapped like that everytime. And she doesn't know how many times she killed the world. Not saying it would make things better if she knew, but at least if she knew, maybe her choice would be different or she'll realize what she's about to do and maybe stop the paradox and saving Dokja.

I keep saying that she sacrificed the whole world which yes, she does. But the real sacrifice is herself. Remember, she can't sacrifice the world without sacrificing herself first. She created an infinite amount of timelines because of her constant sacrifice. It's kinda ironic, Dokja is the one constantly sacrificing himself but he's nowhere near the 1863rd turn Sooyoung.

Yes, Dokja is also the one that actually creates the scenario. But that's because Sooyoung gave him that story. If she didn't then he wouldn't even be alive. Sooyoung is the real god, not Dokja, not SP or anyone else. Because she's the one who created them all.

And now to finish my point, that is the reason why Sooyoung became my favorite character with Dokja and Joonghuk and not under them. What the 1863rd turn did was exactly what "our" Sooyoung would have done, especially since she knew Dokja more than her clone. That alone makes Sooyoung the fucking goat of the story. Even though I consider 1863rd turn Sooyoung and 3rd turn Sooyoung as separate, in the end they would have done the same.

Thank you very much for reading all that, I have no idea if it makes sense at all but I already feel like my heart is lighter.