HOW TO COMPUTERSHARE: A SIMPLETON'S GUIDE FOR STUPID IDIOTS
Howdy apes! There are some great posts on Superstonk on how to Computershare, but even after having read them all still I still struggled getting started and was in the dark on why I was doing it, so I've made a HOW TO COMPUTERSHARE guide for retards like me.
Before we begin, this is not financial advice. I am a homeless man perma-cheezed on shrooms and weed and get brain freeze whenever I look at a calculator. I eat lead paint chips for breakfast. So don’t go Computersharin’ just because I told you how to. Each ape should be doing their own research to determine if Computershare is right for them.
And with that out of the way, let us begin:
1. WHY COMPUTERSHARE?
A. This is a description of how owning the float in Computershare will trigger MOASS. And while our favorite pomeranian’s post on this subject gets my chef’s kiss, u/Future_Fauna's post is in ape speak, and my tutorial is for stupid motherfuckers like you.
B. This post by u/Fantasybroke observes that on Thursday and Friday at market open there were very large buy orders that were very out of character for our favorite stonk, and we are hypothesizing that these are from Computershare placing their daily order, and that the orders should be getting larger as this continues to catch on.
That’s right apes, when you buy from Computershare, it shows up on the chart. IT IS NOT TRADED IN DARK POOLS.
DARK POOL TRADING IS DOWN 20% SINCE BEFORE COMPUTERSHARE (B.C.)^(TM) and the lowest it’s been the first time since July 2020. Just let that sink in.
They can’t commit crimes on your Computershares.
Your Computershare investment is actually having an affect on the stock’s price! (and someone correct me if I’m wrong because I’m a fucking retard, but is this ALSO making the SHF have to short it harder, bleeding them even faster?!?)
C. DIVIDENDS- Dividends are why I bought into Computershare before it was all the rage. If there’s an NFT dividend, I want some for posterity, and in the future those NFTs might end up being worth a lot by themselves. If you bought synthetics, (and lets face it, that’s all we’ve been buying synthetics since January,) do you think you are you getting a dividend? I DIVDIDON'T THINK SO.
Dividends go to the persons who actually owns the shares, not the people who bought the share that was lended out 1000 times over. There are only 70millionish dividends going out to share holders, and YOU ARE GUARANTEED DIVIDENDS FOR YOUR COMPUTERSHARES.
2. HOW TO COMPUTERSHARE
PART 1. HOW TO TRANSFER (USA)
Are you ready? This is super fucking complicated so pay attention.
CALL YOUR BROKER AND TELL THEM YOU WANT TO TRANSFER SOME SHARES TO COMPUTERSHARE. THAT’S ALL. IT TAKES TEN MINUTES. IT’S FREE.
IF THEY TRY TO CONVINCE YOU NOT TO TRANSFER TELL THEM YOU’VE READ THEIR SCRIPT ALREADY AND ENCOURAGE THEM TO SKIP TO THE END PART WHERE THEY TRANSFER SOME SHARES BEFORE YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND AND TRANSFER ALL OF THEM AND THEN START COUNTING BACKWARDS FROM TEN. I’m pretty sure they will drop the script and get right to putting your transfer through after that.
Your broker will give you time estimate for the transfer to go through. Once the transfer is complete you automatically have a Computershare account. Congrats!!!
You will get snail mail from Computershare with your account info, HOWEVER, once you see that your shares have disappeared from your broker account, you will be able to go on Computershare and get your online account established and see your Computershares.
Fidelity’s direct number for transfers: 800-343-3548. When prompted by the automated system, say “Stock Certificates”.
PART 2. HOW TO BUY (USA)
Ok, this is counterintuitive: you can’t open an account until the shares you bought from Computershare have settled. So don’t try to set up an account. You’ll get nowhere. I was that idiot, you don’t have to be.
When you get to the home page you want to click on the “Make a stock purchase” option. Or just click on this link you dimwitted buffoon!
You'll give up some personal info, and then you CHOOSE AN INVESTMENT AMOUNT.
Computershare will put in for a wire from your bank and it takes 3 business days to settle, at which point they make your purchase along with thousands of other apes in one batch and buy your shares at Market Price.
Once the shares are purchased takes T+2 days for your them to be delivered to you.. It took me 8 days to get my message. Milage will vary depending on what day of the week you buy.
NOW THAT YOU HAVE COMPUTERSHARES YOU CAN MAKE AN ACCOUNT
🚨🚨WARNING!!! Computershare will give you a message stating they will mail you forms for you to setup your account, but they also provide an option where you can get your account setup right away by answering a few security questions. If you want to start jerkin it to them fine ass Computershares you own right away, I recommend the second option.🚨🚨
Last but not least: YOU CAN PLACE A COMPUTERSHARE BUY ORDER 24/7.
🚨INTERNATIONAL APES🚨
DISCLAIMER: I’m ‘Murican, so I’m not as confident with this information, but I’m totally willing to update this section if I’ve gotten things wrong.
PART 3A HOW TO BUY COMPUTERSHARES (INTERNATIONAL)
So far from what I read it seems you cannot buy from Computershare until you've made an initial transfer. But go to the website and try anyway. If it IS an option in your country, PLEASE TELL ME! I don’t want to spread misinfo- but if by chance it is available in your country, you can just follow my HOW TO BUY (USA) instructions, as the buying process is not intuitive as you'd think it be.
PART 3B HOW TO TRANSFER (INTERNATIONAL)
Not all international brokers will transfer to Computershare. You can check to see if your broker is on the approved list here in u/da_squirrel_monkey’s post. If you are on that list, call your broker and tell them you want to transfer some motherfucking shares to Computershare. BOOM. You're done.
Is your broker not on that list? Don’t lose hope yet!
u/qwertztheman found a workaround, if you are able to transfer to IBKR, you can transfer from there to Computershare. Sounds like a huge pain in the ass, but c’mon guys!
u/Fiksdal found a workaround for Norwegian apes transferring to DNB bank first, and Canadians who trade with Wealthsimple are avoiding a $300 transfer fee by transferring to banks first as well to avoid the fee. (I can't find any links but will post here if someone points me in the right direction. ) Can someone confirm if Candiapes can transfer from Wealthsimple to IBKR for free? That might be another option for getting around the $300 fee.
The point is if your broker won't transfer to CS or IBKR, there may be a way to transfer to someone who will. Call your bank. Look at brokers you can transfer to and see if they are on the approved list.
PART Z. HOW MUCH OF MY GME SHOULD I TRANSFER OVER?
Well that’s up to you, you stupid ape, you want me to do hold your hand for everything?
The amount from ape to ape varies from a few shares to 80, 90, 100%, This post from u/Left-Anxiety-3580 this morning proposes that posts encouraging 20% or less is FUD meant to discourage apes from going all in. So do your homework and decide for yourself.
I will say this: it's not a bad thing to have your eggs in different baskets. After reading a couple thousand comments on the subject, I’d say think the average is 20% and that a large majority of those people plan on never touching those shares. I for one will never sell my Computershares. I’ve put a percentage poll in the comments to help you come to a decision, hopefully it stays at the top. My personal stake right now is 10%, and I'm calling in today to transfer another 10%. When and if I can buy more GME, it’s gonna be from Computershare, because I like to see myself in a green candle.
Another recent has pointed out that if you sell the shares you have in Computershare it unlocks the float and gives hedgies back power to do crimes on them and recommends keeping only the shares you want to sell with your broker.
And with that I say to ye: Buhbuhdee Buhdee
Posted Sep 20, 2021, 2:04 PM UTC · edited