Source
r/OCPoetry•
creatorbynature

Swipe

I hate it.

My face. Reflected in my phone.

Turned sideways, in the dark. Alone.

I scan through images and I bemoan

what others have. A life. A home.

I hate them.

My eyes.

Unfocused and puffed wide. I realize

that I have cried a thousand cries

before this piece of plastic lies.

But late at night, I won’t choose otherwise.

I hate how

so often I forget.

How in my hand I fit

this little piece of well-lit shit

that postpones getting up and doing it.

Whatever “it” is.

I hate this.

This hollow in my chest.

Gripping this thing close to my breast.

I ingest deeply while I rest

my thumb over it and press.

And swipe. And press.

I hate it.

Hate knowing that I hinge

perception on what I binge

through this thing. This thief. This sin.

And yet again, again, again

I forget until I glimpse the mirror and then

I grieve the waste. The endless spin.

I hate myself, my face.

Shining back from this rectangle space.

This shiny portal to a place

Displaying things that we all chase.

Except for me, I sit out the race.

Instead I lay here and replace

Those things with this. This little taste.

I hate this.

I hate it, but

repeatedly I put the hate aside

I clear my mind, opening wide

I don’t resist this ever tempting slide

Because it’s easier to simply glide

my finger up and down. Then side to side.

So I swipe.

And I press.

And I swipe.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/psicl3/untitled_or_titled_or_yet_to_be_titled/hdpv280/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/ps1fa7/loving_english/hdpw9m6/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3

Posted Sep 21, 2021, 2:18 PM UTC

2924
wordsbyHERdesire•

very relatable! i like the depth of feelings you portray, while keeping it simple. thanks for sharing!

3
creatorbynatureOP•

Thank you so much!!

2
okayfornow22•

Love it!

2
creatorbynatureOP•

Thank you! It makes me glad that you like it cause it was at zero for quite awhile there lol

2
okayfornow22•

Lol probably just reddit messing stuff up

2
creatorbynatureOP•

I like that yes we’ll go with that lol

2
okayfornow22•

Haha, i like the username BTW

2
DomKeen1912•

Honestly, that’s fantastic! It reads wonderfully.

2
creatorbynatureOP•

Oh wow thank you : ) !

1
squigeypops•

Absolutely loving the repetition of "I hate x," it gives the poem a really nice rhythm and it feels like it should be predictable but it isn't? No idea if it's intentional but it gives the kind of disjointed feeling that you get from being on your phone for way too long.

Your use of language is very clear and easy to read while describing emotions not often talked about. Deep but reasonable and relatable.

2
creatorbynatureOP•

I really appreciate that, thank you! I’m glad you like the repetition, I had second thoughts and almost took it out but I’m glad I didn’t : )

1
imjusthereiguess21•

This is really good! I enjoy the the refrain of "and swipe" "and press". It contributes to the feeling of being stuck in this miserable cycle, but still giving into it anyway. thank you so much for sharing, and good job!

2
creatorbynatureOP•

Thank you so much! Your comments are encouraging to me : )

1
ThisIsYourFriendAron•

A modern scene set in a classic rhyme scheme—when I first started reading it, I didn't think it would work, but by the end I really enjoyed the flow. It's as if Poe existed in the modern era.

My favorite line in the middle

"I ingest deeply while I rest
my thumb over it and press.
And swipe. And press."

Which is interesting because I didn't think the last 3 lines flowed as well, although it is a clear call back. Possible change?

"Because it's easier to simply glide
up and down. Then side to side—
it feels like I can never rest
so I press
and swipe
and press."

Overall it's a cool poem. Another rework might be to go even further into madness as the poem goes on. Put more imagery of sinking into a pit that you can't get out of.

Loved the flow for the most part. Keep at it!

2
creatorbynatureOP•

Thank you so much! I’m really glad you like the modern theme. I agree, the last lines I think would benefit from one more line and then a word change. I appreciate your feedback!

1
[deleted]•

[deleted]

2
creatorbynatureOP•

Thank you very much! I agree, I’m going to make three or 4 small changes and one of them is a tweak to the ending. Thanks for your helpful feedback!

2
ThrowawayPoet0•

I absolutely love this poem, even though I hate how relatable it is. I especially love how it uses repition in the poem to symbolize the repition and monotomy that social media leads to.

2
creatorbynatureOP•

Thank you so much! And I’m sorry it’s relatable : (

1
[deleted]•

I like this poem. :) It shows the downside of over-reliance on technology very well. Almost everyone has felt this way. My favorite part is the beginning, where you capture the reader's attention with "I bemoan what others have. A life. A home."

2
creatorbynatureOP•

Thank you so much!!

1
kyacase•

Its super clear which is something a lot of poetry gets in trouble with. I love how you rhymed it, it really flows and the reiterating ”I hate it” really sets that dependent and resentful attitude you were trying to convey.

Someone else said it reminded them of Poe and it really does. It’s really cool. If you’re still in school definitely show it to an English teacher

2
creatorbynatureOP•

Thank you for your kind comments, they mean a lot to me! Sadly very past school age haha but that’s still encouraging, thank you : )

2
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1