Hiroko Minazumi, prototype cyborg, part 14 - "Reasons"

"Uhhh, I am sorry about my previous note... You see, I was desperate, and saw no way out of my personal horror, even in dreams... First I thought I can forget about everything if I would use enough drugs and alcohol, and after some time, when I spent all my poppy buds, I was looking for another way in those notes of researchers - found some dubious formulas, noted as ones that bring pleasure to test subject - and as I hoarded plenty of chemicals in my car, decided to try it. And tried more. They brought almost nothing, except pain - but this pain was so delightful and it shifted my focus from real life, so I stopped to care. I was only seeking new ways to enjoy my newfound sick passions. That brought me to the brink of death. But I was saved. That man, I already wrote about him, Olen - one, who needed asthma inhaler. Somehow I ended up in a town near his shelter, that hunting lodge, remember? So, just before I was knocked unconscious, I suddenly realised, that I might die and I don't wan't to die and that thought scared me. In last ditch effort I turned my car's turrets on and they dealt with rest of my enemies. Olen heard, that some shit it happening and left his base to see, what is it - I am afraid, he seen everything, although he says, that saw nothing and just found me in the center of the city. But he is lying, because he told me first, that he recognised my voice.

Well, he is a bad liar and that is good. Because, when I woke up on the bed, restrained with multiple layers of steel chains, I was suspecting him in everything, and that he wants my belongings and bionics and probably one of the scientists, even Maiar's subject - but then learned, that this man doesn't really know how to lie. Well, I was restrained to the bed for two more days, before my menthal condition stabilised. He splinted my armsand bandaged my wounds, before I woke up.

Captive!

My right arm is like okay now, splinths helps greatly, but my left arm is a mess and I would need autodoc in nearest future. Ah, and he also pumped me to the brim with antipsychotics and sedatives, so I wasn't so crazy. When I asked him, how did he know that and if he is a scientist, he just told me, that his son was psycho, not so violent one, but he was seeing things - so he even got menthal hospital nurse training, so he could bring his son home for prolonged times and to be sure, that he wouldn't harm himself. After I explained the situation to him, and he checked my notes to be sure, he brought and injected me with my purifiers. It was believed to revert menthal changes in test subjects. Aaaand it worked. Mostly. I was still feeling ugres for pain. And I couldn't sense any. I guess, my periferial nervous system is completely messed up now. After I was freed from chains, I secretly pierced my palm through with a knife - and sensed nothing. Just a tickle, but thats all. Well... At least I can still feel temperature. But again, even if I touch burning coals, there is no pain at all, just sence of warm and unpleasant smell. Olen is a good man, who just wants to live. We speak a lot, and that helps me too. He knows my story, and he thinks, that this is not my fault - and I greatly appreciate it, but sadly I can't believe in that. Once I asked him, why do we need to live, what is the reason - he answered, that life is a struggle, but there are good moments. And life worth to be lived just to walk the path, even if there is no goal. What a philosopher, hahaha. He also recommended me to get a simple living for some time. Not using any of my equipment or bionics, just simpliest tools possible, to make it all simple and usual. I guess, I would listen to him, I got no choice anyway, before my arms would heal. To be honest I liked just to seat near fireplace and speak.

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Soothing evenings

Also he told, two weeks before the world went mad, he found a good and promising menthal hospital nearby for his son, but he thinks, that son died long ago - however, I know this building he is talking about, I was there and it was a lab. I haven't told him anything, but it worth a look, maybe his boy can be a test subject too, I sensed cyborgs there, in those cells, alive. I copied Olen's photo to know the appearance. Might worth a try. Maybe my electromagnetic projector can render cyborgs inactive, in theory this is possible, for time enough to take out their personality inhibitors... But now, I need to rest for a time.