The transition from fantasies to being in the moment, almost like a meditative masturbation

This is my first time trying to go pornfree, and I've had a lot of success so far. It's been a meaningful, fun, connectable, tangible, and happy 87 days without being held down by porn. I really feel free in the aspect of my body and sexuality. Girls don't make me instantly blush and ashamed of myself like they did before because I have nothing to be ashamed of.

Well, almost nothing. In my first to third week of pornfree, I was pent up and angsty from lack of sexual whatever and kept searching this sub for loopholes around thinking of pornographic fantasies during regular masturbation. Once that passed, I came to the conclusion that I enforce for myself right now, that it's natural to masturbate around once a week and non compulsively and only when your BODY feels like doing it and to non-pornographic thoughts.

These non-pornographic thoughts are what I'm worried about. Right now, I average around one masturbation session a week and it's with fantasies me and my body consider non-lustful and meaningful. Recently, though, I've been thinking about how they're still fake fantasies and I'm still lying to my subconscious body about having a genuine sexual encounter, even if it isn't lust-filled like it was before.

I don't want my body to be tainted with this, so I wanna ask for advice on how to decrease libido and how to transition to like pure body feeling and non-fantasizing masturbation? Maybe I'm overthinking it. If it's one thing I've learned on this journey its that you have to let change happen naturally and without force from your ego.

Some notes: Nofap doesn't appeal to me because I feel like I'd be lying to myself about what I'm doing it for. (also I'm a human and I really don't wanna keep my sexual stuff bottled up like that so it can explode at inconvenient times.)