Oxbow

From the gravity of this situation,

My crystalline streams flow abundantly.

Sometimes fast, sometimes slow, but always powerful,

They burst forth, gushing across the surface

Of a cold and jaded environment.

Before long, my weathered banks are eroded,

I lose small parts of who I used to be.

The streams that you have forced, oh Mother Earth,

Are slowly changing me, shaping me and

I will never be what I was before.

As I bend to your will you begin to

Deposit all of your dirt and your grime

Upon me – it builds – I have to get away.

Still, the pressure exerted is too much

As I have to retreat into myself.

Slowly, I manage to seal myself off.

Those crystalline streams no longer erode.

The rocks and stones you would throw can’t affect me,

The pressure is gone for once and for all.

But I still remain in isolation,

Unable to join the flow, the main stream.

My erosion’s past the point of no return

And I will never be myself again.

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Links to Comments on Other's Work -

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/q5bdp4/comment/hg7xjx2/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/q5ueti/comment/hg7z4qg/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

Posted Oct 11, 2021, 12:38 PM UTC

43
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1
[deleted]•

This is very deep, thank you.

I read it as an analogy for life, in the sense that external forces shape us, mould us, and are often inevitable and beyond our control. Our spirits become weathered, they become broken, and we retreat into our own minds for our own protection. It makes me think of Pink Floyd’s ‘Wall’, or of Paul Simon’s ‘Island’.

Very thought-provoking, but also depressing at the same time. I appreciate the use of erosion as a tool for describing this process. It lends itself to the idea of a sort of inevitability about life.

Thank you for sharing this excellent read.

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AinoKalevala•

Sometimes fast, sometimes slow, but always powerful,

You might want a period, semicolon, or colon here instead of a comma as it is its own sentence followed by another full sentence.

Of a cold and jaded environment.

I like the imagery here of the streams in a cold and jaded environment. It makes me wonder if it is the speaker's streams that are contributing to the cold and jaded aspects of the environment or whether the environment inherently has those characteristics.

Before long, my weathered banks are eroded,

Again perhaps a period or whatnot connecting two complete sentences.

As I bend to your will you begin to

Deposit all of your dirt and your grime

Love the imagery here.

As I have to retreat into myself.

Wouldn't it be "And" I have to retreat...?

The pressure is gone for once and for all.

I think it would sound more natural to say "once and for all" and delete the first "for".

Unable to join the flow, the main stream.

I like how you play with the words "main stream" hearkening back to the metaphor you have been speaking of as well as the common use of the word to mean what everyone else is doing.

My erosion’s past the point of no return

Past the point of no return is a very common phrase. Perhaps try to say the same thing but with synonyms.

I liked this. Thanks for sharing.

1