Assorted thoughts on ass-kicking, why gender is confusing, and what's cool about series romance

(Minor spoilers for T. Kingfisher's Paladin/Clockwork series, and for Ilona Andrews' Kate Daniels series. I'll try to hide the most egregious spoilers.)

So I've been thinking a lot lately about "badassery", gender and romance tropes.

Where I'm coming from: Badassery

I have a weakness for a very ancient literary trope. Some examples:

• The scruffy old man begging at your door might be Odin, the one-eyed gallows god. Choose wisely.
• Or the traveller at your door might be an angel, and not necessarily the cute sort with wings. Maybe you're dealing with the sort of angel that God sends to inflict plagues on Egypt.
• The beggar woman might be a powerful enchantress. Judge her by appearances, and you'll suffer an educational curse that can only be broken by true love.
• The mourning middle class man with the classic car and the puppy might be John Wick.
• The elegant older lady who lives in the rural inn might be a retired galactic overlord.
• The local small businesswoman might be able to punch tanks and win.
• The old man who sweeps the monastery might be original inspiration for Rule One: "Do not act incautiously when confronting little bald wrinkly smiling men!"

These are morality tales: Don't judge people by appearances. Treat beggars and travelers well. Show respect for age. Do not be cruel to animals.

But there's also something I enjoy about the sudden explosion of ass-kicking in and of itself. It's still fun when the stranger looks like a badass. Don't try to put out your cigarette on the naked guy with the Austrian accent, even if he did just demand your clothes. The justice fantasy of Odin begging at the door can mix with an element of power fantasy, or with a fantasy of being secure from threats.

I'm not saying this is a morally desirable trope, or anything. Just that I'm a sucker for it.

Where I'm coming from: Gender

The older I get, the more I realize that I'm slightly confused by gender. Don't get me wrong. I like gender. But people take it so seriously.

Imagine a world where some people were "goths" and others were "punks." Goths wear monochrome clothing, eye make-up, lace, and ankhs. Punks wear jeans, chains, patches that said "Die Nazi scum!", and very short hair. And when I look at the world, I'm like, "Yes, this is great! Goths have so much style. Punks have so much attitude."

But then people start making all these weird rules, like "Goths don't get to punch Nazis," or "Punks should never sit in graveyards at night." And they act like these rules have some deep metaphysical importance. And heaven forbid that a goth start dressing as a punk, or that someone wears both elaborate black eye makeup and chains. At this point, I start to get confused and annoyed by the idea that personal style means anything truly important. And when people start explaining which combinations of goths and punks are allowed to fall in love, I want to say, "Fuck right off."

Hey, I was raised on 80s feminism and I was in denial about being bi. I was pretty much taught that gender was suspicious and that riot grrls were cool, and those ideas found fertile soil.

Series romance

I enjoy the sort of series romance where half the minor characters get their own book and HEA. Part of the charm of these series is that every couple can be different. It's fun to see how an unusual character winds up with someone who fits them perfectly. Very often, the first book in the series is a "classic" romance, but later books get to explore less stereotypical relationship dynamics.

For example, take Ilona Andrews' Kate Daniels series.

• The first romance between >!Curran and Kate!< is a classic "alpha jerk" (sorry not sorry) and "strong paranormal heroine" pairing. This is the standard paranormal romance pairing for shifters.
• The relationship between >!Raphael and Andrea!< is more of a "bad boy and professional woman (who kicks ass for a living)" dynamic.
• Then there's >!Jim and Dali!<, which is basically "Nick Fury dates a slightly nervous and geeky sorceress."
• But one of the most interesting romances happens in the background: >!Barbaras and Christopher!<, a highly competent lawyer and a brilliant man who has suffered immense trauma. This is also the only important m/m relationship in the series.

Or to take one of my all-time favorite worlds by T. Kingfisher, we have:

• Cursed ancient warrior and woman who asks a lot of questions.
• Sad paladin and woman who makes perfume.
• Giant scary paladin and woman who could kick his ass.
• And then a m/m pairing: guilt-wracked paladin and the city coroner.

Historically, I've read and re-read these series (and similar ones) with great pleasure. I like the ass-kicking, and the "strong female protagonists", and the increasing diversity of the relationships as the series get longer. With the exception of T. Kingfisher, I'm not going to claim that any of these books are great literature, but they're fun.

But just from a strictly literary perspective, the male protagonists in the m/f stories are weirdly similar: one of their defining traits is their ability to kick ass. But the women are more diverse: standard ass-kicking paranormal heroines, yes, but also sometimes geeky sorceresses or perfume-makers or truthseekers. And I've read and enjoyed enough of these books that I appreciate those unexpected characters. More varied characters means more novel pairings, and more unique chemistry.

But I'm a little starved for variety on the male side. The only time I really notice the pattern being broken is in the occasional m/m romance, where one of the guys gets to be a lawyer or trauma survivor or coroner. And I appreciate that diversity of characters.

TL;Dr: I do love long paranormal romance series, for the varied pairings, for the subversion of women's traditional roles, and for the occasional moment when someone learns not to harass an Ilona Andrews protagonist. (See Odin the beggar, above, and compare with Aunt B, her cookies, and her claws.) But the weird lack of diversity of MMCs in m/f relationships has recently started triggering my allergy to gender roles.

The obvious solution here is to read more queer romance by queer authors. But finding stuff that hits the spot is harder, because there isn't enough. And so much of the otherwise good stuff understandly focuses on overcoming trauma or self-loathing.