**Characters and their hairstyles**

**“Thankfully, she had a crew of peers helping the cause.”**


Ok, given that it’s been six years since scene one. I’m guessing she doesn’t know all these people from scene one. Mechanically it also feels like you’re dumping this information on the reader for the first time. However, this information shouldn’t be new information to Niren and the way the character are named doesn’t match up for me. 


In a story, you have three different groupings of information you have to keep track of and balance. There is the knowledge you the writer have and in most cases, the narrator in the third person has your level of knowledge. The second group is the knowledge the character has, different characters can know different things but it's easier to think of it as one group. And finally, the information the reader has. 


In this scene you the writers know the names of all the characters, and Niren should know all the names of her teammate since she planned a h

**Reader background:** 
 

Thanks for sharing your story. In case it's useful, I’m a reader with a lot of experience with classic science fiction, having both extensively read the genre and written for it. However, I’m not familiar with Urban Fantasy.


I’d also like to let you know I’m a Dyslexic reader, so my apologies in advance if my critique includes any errors. I always do my best to catch them, but it takes a lot of editing for me to catch them all.



**Overall Impression:**


Unfortunately, I found this section confusing. This may partially be because you’ve chosen to post the second scene of your story and I did not spot a posting of the first scene in your history. Some of my confusion may be resolved simply by having the context the reader should have by this point, but I can’t judge with that in mind as I lack access to the first scene. I personally would recommend posting scenes in order as I believe it would improve the quality of feedback you would receive, but that is 

**General Remarks**

Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this. I liked your use of descriptive language and how you gave each character such a unique personality, which is an impressive feat for such a short story. It didn't feel like much happened plot-wise (I got the vibe that a lot of the writing could be condensed into something much shorter), so you can use this reclaimed space for more exposition, plot development, or characterization, assuming you don't already have that in this chapter's other scenes.

**Mechanics**

The title is interesting, but I feel like the wording of it could be improved. Is the nature paradox a specific phenomenon? If so, *The Nature Paradox* would sound a little more put together. If it doesn't have any specific meaning and you chose it because it sounds cool, I'd advise picking something with more significance to the story.

Some wording sounded awkward. A part that stuck out to me was Nina grabbing the note from the bookcase; there's a lot of fluff that you

[1315] Nature Paradox