Fear to Your Front Door - Scared to Death Delivery co. [Halloween 2021]

When I saw the ad online it drew me in.

"Spooky Deliveries," it read. "Scare your friends this Halloween! Order now - supplies limited."

I clicked on it. There was one friend of mine who had always played pranks on me. Greg had been messing with me since high school and I never seemed to be able to get him back.

This was my opportunity.

Typing in his personal information and his address, I filled out the form.

Most of it was straightforward, but then it got weird.

Biggest Fear: The form asked.

Then it wanted to know more intimate information. It asked where his kids went to school and where his wife worked, what sort of car he drove and how often he checked his tire pressure.

I figured it was all part of the gag, so I put in some answers, not paying very close attention to the questions or the details. I guessed the biggest one they wanted to know was what he was afraid of. Greg was afraid of clowns, I told them, thinking they’d send a guy to his door dressed in a clown suit. That’s what I imagined, based on the fifty dollar price tag. But figured it would likely be something even more mundane than that, like a poster or a cardboard cutout of Pennywise.

Never would I have suspected what they sent. A kill squad of clowns.

Greg called me the following day from his office. His voice high-pitched and hysterical.

“WHAT DID YOU DO!? THEY SAID YOU SENT THEM!”

“What?” I asked, a bite of apple in my mouth. Then I remembered the form I had filled out.

“Oh man, I got you good. Finally I got you. It’s just a gag! What is it, a guy in a creepy clown outfit?”

Then I heard the sounds of a chainsaw in the background, revving and hacking, sawing away at something. Screams ensued.

“They killed everyone,” he said quietly. “The whole office. Everyone. They’re all dead. WHAT DID Y-”

His words were cut off as the phone line went dead.

I thought he was messing with me. God help me, I thought he was kidding around.

Damn, that must have been a good scare for him to try to prank me like that right afterwards, I said to myself. Maybe I’ll give my wife a good fright as a joke.

I filled out the online form once again, this time inserting my own home address. And including my wife’s biggest fear.

Spiders.

Of course, now I know that Greg wasn’t messing with me. I’m guessing he really did get attacked by an insane clown posse armed with chainsaws. Especially considering the state of my house.

We woke up this morning surrounded by spiders.

They’ve covered the bedroom in thick blankets of webbing, cocooning my wife so she can’t move. They are everywhere. Thousands of them. Millions.

I should have known this was a bad idea.

My worst fear is spiders too.