AITA my brother wants his daughter to move in

NTA.

Two weeks is not nearly long enough to establish a pattern. If you’re already feeling taken advantage of, that’ll only worsen with your niece added to the mix. Part of being a grown up is accepting limitations. Not having the run of the place and latitude to move in your child to a place that you don’t help provide for or manage is one of his limitations.

NTA - time for him to get on his feet and take care of himself and his daughter.

Nta. He can get his act together and find a place for the two of them. Your kindness needs to run out like yesterday

NTA. He can get up off his azz and find a place if he doesn't want her "sent away". In the meantime, do not let her move in because you know what will happen and tell him that if he doesn't discipline her, you will discipline her if she breaks things and lies on people.

NTA - your child comes first. I feel for your niece, but youve done too much already.

NTA. Time for you to set a firm deadline for your brother's departure as it's affecting your finances and your mental health. The sooner he gets his act together and his own place, the sooner he will be in a position to take in his daughter. But make it clear he is in no such position right now.

With a homeless dad and a mom who wants to send her away at four years old (!), it's no wonder your niece has behavioral problems.

NTA, what a nightmare. He needs to go. He had 3 years to get his act together. Clearly its never going to happen as long as he lives with you. May never happen period. Don't let that girl move in. Your life would become living hell. Think of what your son would go thru as well.

No if the brother isn't doing enough as is he has no right to move his daughter in

NTA. Not only is he not paying for himself I doubt he's going to take responsibility for her.

He has proven that he’s not responsible enough to take care of himself. In TWO years he still hasn’t figured out how to be an adult.

NTA

If you take the child in it has to be on the condition she sees a therapist on a regular basis. No vote because a child is involved and so.much else.

NTA. It's your home. Bro was only supposed to be there temporarily. One course of action could be to say bro needs to contribute his share of the rent and utilities for 2 or three months before you will consider it if he doesn't step up you say you can't take on the financial burden of another person if he steps and gives you the money save it and loan/give it to him for a house/flat deposit and he and the wayward child can go live in their own place.

He has spent 3 years sponging off you, enjoying your kindness and hospitality while you pay all the bills and tolerate his undisciplined child causing chaos and terrorizing your own son. And he "has no place to go." Is that your fault? Maybe at least partly, because you should have had a clear understanding with him about his obligations, and you should have put your foot down about 31.5 months ago.

He is a leech, and what leeches do is bleed people. He isn't satisfied to just bleed you, but thinks you should let him bring a junior leech into your home. That poor girl, being a leech is not her fault because leeches beget leeches, but the effect would be the same. And you cannot do this to your own child.

Just Say No. Give your parasite brother a written notice to get a job or other arrangements to be financially responsible and find his own place to live. If he needs counseling, offer to help him get it. In the meantime, his daughter can't move in. If she does, he will become more entrenched and find more reasons to stall his departure, and you will sympathize because of the child and let him continue stalling.

You've tried to be a good sibling and a caring aunt or uncle, but this isn't a good situation for your own child, who is your first responsibility. Your brother wants the best for his kid, but he's asking you to set yourself on fire to keep the two if them warm. If you do, YWBTA to your own kid.

Bull! There is no disciplinary school for a 4 yr old. If there is, it's run by a pervert! Seems like the parents are lousy at parenting. She'll be starting school soon, so she'll be gone for a good part of the day - hopefully learning how to behave. Don't allow her to move in. You have enough going on with your brother who won't grow up and live on his own.

NTA. Also, and I say this gently, your big heart is not only hindering you, but him as well. Unfortunately you are enabling him to be irresponsible and lazy. Setting an ultimatum and sticking to it will require him to get his life together.

As for the daughter, that’s just an absolute no. Don’t budge on it, ever.

NTA. But who the hell sends a four-year-old to a disciplinary school. I mean she’s 4, her behavior can be corrected. Unless she is violent or has been diagnosed with a severe behavior issue, I just can’t understand sending away a four-year-old.

NTA but you're a better person than me because I would have long since kicked your mooch of a brother out.

NTA. I think it’s fair given the situation. Especially since he’s mooching off you. 3 yrs is a long time to not help out but on occasion

^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team

My older brother and I live together. I am responsible have maintained the household for the past 3 years (i.e pay all the bills, buy all the food, ect). He is supposed to pay half of the rent which only happened about 5 times over the 3 year period. The agreement was he would "get on his feet" and leave but that hasn't been the case. I would feel guilty putting him out because he has nowhere to go I have a huge heart even if it henders me.

He has a 4 y.o. daughter who is a menace! Everytime she comes over something gets broken or goes missing. She''s never really disciplined for her actions so of course nothing changes and she doesn't listen to anyone except her dad occasionally. I've tried to reason with this kid because she lies on son about breaking things and stealing but nothing works. Apparently she is just as terrible with her mother and she wants to send him to a disciplinary school. My brother is freaking out and wants to move his daughter in to prevent her from being sent away.

I feel for the situation, but I don't want her to live with me! I do everything as it is and that would be an extra burden that I feel I shouldn't have to bear. Before my brother told me this, I was telling him that boundaries need to be set because I feel that I'm being taken advantage of. He has started trying to contribute since that talk but that was only 2 weeks ago. AITA?

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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

I told my brother I don't want his daughter to move in. She's my niece

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