Yeah, I meant the absurdity is potentially off putting to some, but that is what it is. The writing is great. To me there were no other logical holes that stood out.

Thank you for your kind critique, I appreciate it! I wonder if you could expand on what you meant by “I guess many people will not like it, as there are quite a few elements that don’t make sense”. Do you mean the absurdity of the hotel and how a place like this surely would have been shut down, or  are there some other logical holes that hurt the story? Thanks

GENERAL REMARKS

Well, that was an interesting read. I really enjoyed it. It ticked boxes for me: both the external setting and the mc’s inner motivations were clear, there was originality in the outrageous details making up this story, there was a sense of suspense aided by consistent but building-up pacing, it was personally relatable on so many levels (fishing trips tainted by family dynamics, a past work experience at a b&b, death by sauna being a nightmare of mine), and the absurd style it was written in was really enjoyable and easy to follow. I guess many people will not like it, as there are quite a few elements that don’t make sense, but writing-wise there is nothing wrong with it, in my opinion.

This will be a mostly kind critique so I want to focus on why the things you wrote work, not just that they worked.

UNIVERSE

This story takes place in a universe where most things are possible and probable. Anything can happen. This is established in the first few paragraphs and es

Thank you for your critique. I definitely agree with your points about the pacing, as well as the information to be expanded on. I try to avoid paragraphs of description early on in a story, I’ll have to come back to this story after some time to see if its needed.  I definitely want to give more of the MC’s thoughts especially toward the end, as you said.  My brain demands that I write in present tense first person. I guess many people dislike it and I will continue to practice past tense, but overall, I’ve decided that if it’s good enough for the Hunger Games then it’s good enough for me. Thanks again for your critique. I’m currently on a year long weekly short challenge so I probably won’t return to this story too soon. I will post other short stories to this sub though.

Overall thoughts:

I enjoyed this. It is genuinely and uniquely creepy. I really did not know where it was going until the end. Speaking of the ending: I thought it was strong. I liked that you incorporated consistent motifs of steam and water throughout, and I enjoyed how you wove your themes into the action of the plot. The setting was very neat. I've read of haunted hotels plenty of times before, but I have never read about a steamy haunt like this. 

That said, I have some technical issues with the writing that I will get into below, but keep in mind, that I thoroughly enjoyed this despite them.

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Structure:

The overall structure is good. It is a pretty straightforward story. However, I have an issue with how you drip feed context in a non-linear fashion. Here is a specific example of what I mean. About 2/3rds of the way through, the narrator asks, "Do you still have that famous hot spring and sauna the magazine was advertising?" That is when the reader first learns that 

Thank you for your critique! I definitely see what you mean about the pacing and the MC’s arc. On an edit, I will look to clarify the arc, especially in the second half. Also, good spot on the panic of losing a child, that isn’t the right emotion and probably indignation would work better.   
Definitely agree about making the MC easier to understand and having a relatable through-line in some way. Cheers for the encouragement!

This is in pretty good shape. You do a great job creating an unsettling ambience and vibe from the very beginning of this piece. Descriptors like “weed-infested” and “chalk gray skin” immediately give us the impression as readers that something about this world is off, not quite right. 

Your use of descriptive imagery is immersive and well-written. Passages like “Despite the yellow paint, I can imagine the long dead nobles on country vacations prancing in their eloquent dresses…” are specific and evocative. The way you describe Belchmarsh is genuinely disgusting, and I mean that as a compliment. I was cringing while reading the passage where he is eating the fish. 

I do think this piece could benefit from a slower pace. I think that it is important that we have more time to acclimate to the strange setting and characters and gain more of an understanding of it – this could be done in a variety of ways. You could reduce some of the strangeness and pick one or two elements to really ze

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