Thank you for your advice. I will work on it more tomorrow (I have to sleep).

I believe this is going to be considered low effort for a 3000+ piece, but a mod can correct me if I'm wrong.  I usually see feedback on longer submissions like this one that hit the character limit of a regular comment, often times spilling over into two or three comments as a result.  That would be almost 10x as much destructive criticism ;)

I would go look at examples of other critiques on long submissions.  Usually, they'll try and break down the writing on multiple fronts, and not just answer the specific questions the writer asked about.  I like to include specific sections like *Plot* or *Characters* where I can talk about my impressions of those specific things.

1. Yes, they do feel real (mostly). Wouldn't the soldiers feel just a little bit of resentment towards the other side? I get that when you have a scapegoat, feelings towards the others that are responsible diminishes. But really? Eheu! Oh no, you killed my friend! But everything is going to be alright! No hard feelings or anything.
2. No. I think the repetition really adds to the story you are trying to tell. It reinforces the point that war was horrible and the truce was something truly amazing (except for hunkered down at the start. I think a different word would be better because it just sounds strange to me.)
3. No. I thought the part talking about the war before the truce was just the right length. It described the horrors of war (and reinforces the feeling that the truce was amazing? glorious? I don't know?) without being too long-winded - taking away from the *thing* (awe-inspiring?\[nature\]) of the truce.

I will add more to this when I think of what to say.

The metaphors com

GENERAL REMARKS

My impression of this piece is, it’s trying very hard to manipulate my emotions with grandiosity. You do choose to focus our attention on two characters except for the narrator, Hans and George, but I think the piece would improve if you chose to follow George throughout the whole piece, having the narrator focusing on him and juxtaposing his character to the grim war, instead of just visiting him occasionally. And maybe if the narrator was not so damn sentimental but carries a hatred to the Germans that hatred could be turned on its end when he meets Hans. I think that way the story would have some point or meaning and not appear so soft. I didn’t like how soft it felt, or how it attempted to tug at my emotional strings. 

HOOK

> As long as I shall live, till the day that my beard is long and grey and my eyes have grown dim with time, I will never forget the day that the thunder stopped.

Till the day my beard is long? It made me laugh, sounding a bit comical. I don’

Aaaaalright! So this is my first post in here, so I am hoping I did everything right!

Anyway, this piece is centered around the Christmas Truce of WW1, and was inspired by the Sabaton song that just came out about the same event. This has gone through a couple of edits now, so I am hoping that it is decent enough that you all will like it. 

A few quick questions I do have about peoples thoughts on the piece are as follows.  
1. Do the characters feel real?  
2. Does the ending drag on a bit too much with the repeated phrases?  
3. Should I spend more time earlier in the piece talking about the war before the Christmas Truce hit?

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy!

Here is the link to the story: [The Day the Thunder Stopped](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WNI7ob9rNtDyPQCpdmWadu85EqCD7jWyDRaA7z-Py3A/edit?usp=sharing)

Here are my Critiques: [\[3016\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/qp2aqe/comment/hjw2nhl/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3) \+ [\[511\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/qlqo3v/comment/hjw8nok/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3) = 3527

[3120] The Day the Thunder Stopped