Rabbits Rule the World: Dark Comedy, Fantasy
Format: Streaming Pilot/ Animated Short (30 minute format)
Length: 21 pages
Genre: Dark Comedy, Fantasy, Action
Logline: When a group of criminals break into her family's mansion to kidnap their servants, a young fox realizes that the world she lives in is far more fantastic, and ridiculous than she knows when she is entangled in such schemes.
Note: This is a relatively dark comedy with a whimsical tone.
Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1IH_AN4tPzAys0AnImt8KOFNomGoJRq42/view?usp=sharing
Is this funny? Is this dark? It's heavily saturated with different comedy and designed to also be a little bit uncomfortable without being bad faith due to its lightheartedness. I think it's decent, but you never know until someone else looks at it.
I'll also do swaps for pilots.
Posted Nov 15, 2021, 3:13 PM UTC · edited
My first thought is, I don’t understand the title. Maybe it has to do with the plot later on, but for this pilot’s episode, the rabbits aren’t really a part of the story. Other than thomas they are just servants. There isn’t a foreshadowing of an uprising or situation where they would become central to the story. You know the story but the title may need to be changed to reflect the subject matter.
With thomas the best bit was him splitting his ears when the pie is thrown from behind him.
Vivian is obviously the star, but so far she’s just passive and commenting on things. Daria like vibes.
Butcher is the best character, despite a lack of screen time. Probably because it is the character that is most over the top.
Augustus comes off as a looming powerhouse with a softside.
Veronica is pretty much the opposite of vivian
The opening plays out kind of mundane just people going about there job two sisters talking about school and the help. It takes awhile for thing to get moving and It feels made for kids up until seeing Butcher’s sadistic demeanor and witnessing veronica’s bulimia.
The humor is primarily coming from vivian due to her snarky attitude. I don’t know if she would be able to carry the show though because that kind of character needs to be surrounded by other characters that demand attention to highlight a deadpan type character. There seems to be promise between vivian and the raccoon. He seems to be made for punishment and vivian could leas him in that direction.
The robbery felt over as soon as it began. It was the first sequence that could have some meat to it and add some action.
My suggestion for this pilot would be to lean into this robbery for a large portion of it. Start off with these bumbling crooks out for a score to big for themselves at this opulent location. They botch it every step of the way and get caught in the house trying to get out with a prize. they are stuck hiding and sneaking around then have to witness this family routine showcasing the individuals family members and staff personalities. They’re too boneheaded to give up and get themselves deeper until they finally get caught and regret it. The jackels are able to bail leaving raccoon to face the wrath. Raccoon is on the chopping block but vivian has mercy and lets him get away. Boy will she regret that decision as he keeps popping up through the rest of the series.
To your questions. There are silly momenta but nothing that had me laughing. It doesn’t come off as being inherently dark aside from Butcher and that really only gets to loony tunes level of dark.
Thanks for sharing. I hope my feedback is helpful
Thanks.