Source
r/relationship_advice•
antman36

We’re (M29 + F31) in different places emotionally right now. Should I tell her how I completely feel?

So I’ve (M29) been dating this girl (F31) for about 3 1/2 months now and things are going extremely well. We live about 2 hours away from each other and met through her best friend who lives near me. We see each other pretty much every other weekend and talk everyday.

When I visited her about a month ago, I dropped a little comment along the lines of “Well it’s a good thing you’ve got a tall boyfriend to help you with that” and she laughed and said I can’t call myself that yet. I asked why not, and she replied because we haven’t talked about that yet. It was all said in good spirits so no one was upset or anything along those lines. Honestly, after I left high school, I’ve never really had a conversation like that with any girl I’ve dated. I just started introducing them as my girlfriend once it got to a point that I felt I was appropriate. Apparently I’m in the very small minority with this amongst my friends lol. It makes sense though, so I’m not bothered by it.

So a couple of weeks later we have the conversation about where we see things going, I told her I’m fully onboard and want a future with her, and she says she has the same feelings but also has some hesitations due to past relationships with long distance. I told her I’m more than happy to be patient, but at the same time, I don’t want to be dragged along as I’ve had that happen in the past as well.

Now this whole time, I’ve been falling for her pretty hard, and I’ve almost let “I love you” slip multiple times these last two weeks. She hasn’t verbally used the terms “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” but we keep talking about futures like we’re still side by side. I’ve always been nervous to tell anyone I love them romantically, but I’m borderline scared this time as I don’t want to run her off. Should I continue to be patient with telling her those feelings for now, or is it better to let her know where I stand?

TLDR: Should I tell the girl I’m seeing “I love you” as I feel it even though she still has some hesitations about her past with long distance?

Posted Nov 16, 2021, 11:04 AM UTC

13
_OnlyLiveOnce5_•

Have you had the exclusivity talk? Why do I get these sense this hasn’t happened ?

Also, no I love you is reserved for people who at least want to love you back. You need to find other friends / girls to talk to until this one decides what she wants. For all you know she had another guy and she’s trying to choose.

Good luck

2
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1
YayayaReddit•

You both only recently started dating. I see things the same way, if I'm talking to someone for a period of time and we're speaking of the future together, I would consider them my partner but you would need the official talk. I can also understand her hesitation from being burned from previous relationships and wanting to take it slow. Tell her how you feel and make sure to explain that you're not telling her to rush her. Like you said, you have very valid fears and don't want to get hurt or waste your time.

The fair solution would be to give yourself a reasonable time stamp where you're comfortable waiting for her (maybe until 6 months mark) and during that time you get to know each other and show her that you're not the kind of guy that she should be worry about like in her past relationship. When that time has come, you both have to decide if you want to take a chance on what you havet or call it quits.

You can tell her how you feel and still choose to be patient on her but man if you feel like she's worth it, do your best to hold on. Enjoy the love you have for her and I wish you the best. Once she gets past her own fears, I have no doubt you won't end up together.

1