[1029] The Insane - Chapter One
This is my first time posting on here, so I apologize if I missed a rule.
A few things about me: I've been writing since the past seven (or eight?) months. I've already published some my stories on Inkitt and this specific story was first posted on Uncookd. English is my third language but I've been learning it for a long time.
I guess that's pretty much it. Also, relating to the feedback: I don't have anything specific in mind. I'll leave it all for you to decide.
[Here's my critique]
Here's my chapter:
Holes in the roof of the dwarf shed gave way to sunlight. Momentarily, the razor-sharp streaks of yellow were blocked—from reaching the table where a multitude of utensils were scattered—by an emaciated back wet with sweat. The feeble hands held one thing, shaking just the slightest as a sign of premature physical deterioration, then reached for another. Mahad looked around and finally, remembering that all was done and after a month of ceaseless work he could now rest, let out a deep sigh. His heart grew a hundred times heavier. He turned towards the cage to his right and with wonder observed the man inside.
"Thinking is suffering. If there was a way we could just take that away, all the evils in the world would lose their power." His company—consisting of a few former colleagues and also those people in the restaurant who, alone, had no choice but to listen to him—laughed. What an absurd idea! As if it was that simple. Free will and humans were inseparable. They were the same thing and those who made any distinctions between the two were gravely mistaken. It was the consensus of his audience. "But let me speak, honorable gentlemen," said Mahad in such a way that if it wasn't for his pleading tone, he could've been mistaken as being sarcastic. After all, how could they with their second-hand suits and discoloured faces be considered "gentlemen"? "Imagine what uses it could have. I understand that it's too ambitious, but that doesn't mean we should reject the possibility altogether." They laughed again.
The subject's arms twitched for a minute before it got up from the chair and began hitting its head against the wall. Mahad didn't interrupt it. He was a man, but no longer one who could decide for himself. Therefore, it was an it and not a he. Falling backwards on the ground, it let out a cry. It's mouth distorted and opened as much as it's face muscles would allow. From then on, it would never close again. Mahad knew at that second from seeing the thing drowned in such agony, without even the slightest hint, the full extent of his crime. He had wounded its soul. Not in an abstract manner, but in a tangible, visceral way. Just as the inventor of the bullet made it without ever having the slightest hint of the anatomy of a human being or how his invention would degrade it, so had Mahad performed his experiment and created a way of affecting the soul without ever knowing its nature. He had abducted that innocent man and ruined his life thinking that he was going to benefit humanity. He had believed in his idea because he knew that it would lead him to greatness. His childhood fantasies of being accepted and praised would finally be fulfilled. He left the subject, first making him unconscious, and went out into the world after a long time.
Contrary to expectation, Mahad didn't mention his breakthrough to anyone. In fact, he forgot about it. So much time and effort and focus he had put into realizing it that now when it was accomplished and there was no more to do, his mind simply brushed it all away. He learned to enjoy the warm weather, the traffic, even the stale food in the corner shops. He could afford nothing better and besides, he had a fear he would get ill if he ate good food after surviving on potatoes and corn for so long.
Two days hadn't passed before he realized he was out of money. He tried to find work but failed. Starvation and a night of sleeping outside in the rain (he didn't want to return to his shed) damaged his health even more. He became irritable and stopped speaking at all, even to himself. Deliriousness caught hold of him and with it, his sanity began to fade away. The streets, which were before just streets, now aroused feelings of hate and resentment in his withered heart. During that entire time, the thought of his success didn't cross his mind. Additionally, he had forgotten the location of his shed. Having no other option, he slept on hard earth. What was once done out of fear of facing his crime, now became a necessity. He found out a few things living that way too. Specifically, how civil the policemen were who informed him that he couldn't stay there and on that place; how horrible others of his kind were; and how apathetic the majority of the people passing by him seemed. Wandering became his profession and observing an unavoidable interest. He learned how faces moved and the way they conveyed the notions of the heart and mind; how the stray dogs looked at the people; how he was similar to them. He gradually lost all sense of his presence and formed a definite image of himself as an invisible and objective spectator who could see everything.
It was after a week when Mahad accidentally stumbled upon his old dwelling. He didn't recognize it at first, and seeing the door open, went inside. Then he laid his eyes upon it. He put a hand on the door of the cage, and bowed his head as it stared at him with it's wide open mouth and lifeless eyes. He was almost out of his senses, and mistaking it for one of those birds he saw in abundance in the markets, he looked for the keys and unlocked the door. It took his very last bit of energy to perform the aforementioned action. He suddenly fell to the ground and almost immediately, stopped breathing.
It stepped out of its cage and exited the shed for the first time. It dragged its feet, as if they weighed a ton more than they should have. Walking in a straight line, it reached a river. It stepped forward and dropped into the water. There its body began dissolving, a process which would go on for a year before there was not a trace left of it and the chemicals Mahad had used to wound its soul were fully mixed in the water.
Posted Nov 19, 2021, 5:54 AM UTC