Thank you, your critique really helps me. I will try to better in my next post. My only issue would be the part where i Said -no less than ten- i meant they were bigger than ten

Hi there! This is going to be a post for firsts it seems. It's my first time critiquing as well but here goes: 

i) This is the first read critique: Before I could get fully immersed in the setting, the errors showed up. I'll address them in a bit. Since the story is quite short itself, I still got through it but I know its a turn off for many readers. Overall impression is that you can improve this story by leaps and bounds and it's only redeeming part is the end - it's sweet, and wraps the slice-of-life tale nicely. 

ii) Second read but being mindful of corrections/suggestions:

>A memory _illuminated_ ...her.

I'm not sure illuminated is the word you're going for. Atleast, to me, the phrasing sounds awkward. A better word would be arose? Or even flashed or flared if you do wanna go in the whole 'light' metaphoric direction. 

>Both () panting and sweating, giving all _their_ got as they approached the end of their imaginary track.

It would be better if you added _were_ where I've 

Your crit is really short, but so is your submission. I'll approve since it's your first one, but next time you will need more. Please read our guides on high-effort critiquing.

Hello. Thanks for your story

&#x200B;

Some thoughts as I read through for the first time:  
\-'giving it all their got' seems grammatically incorrect. 'giving it all they had' maybe? 

\-at first I assumed sera and tanner were both characters separate from the one who is remembering. As Sera is the main, you should maybe introduce her name in the first line to clear up the confusion, as it is it seems like she's remembering her friends or something.

'by the kids' seems to be over-explaining. We know they're kids. This also makes the memory sound removed from the one who is actually remembering, who probably wouldn't have thought of herself and her friend as 'the kids'

\-the word 'maturation' also feels very impersonal considering she'd thinking of her younger self. There are better, more natural ways to say this. You could mention it when telling us their ages, using the chance to say that although they were both ten, Sera had outgrown Tanner etc

\-talking about how she was practi


Hello, first time posting here, (technically second), hope you enjoy 

Critique;

https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/qvzqsy/285_character_introduction_historical_fiction_as/hl692ra/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3


Story; 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1B_ItVQn9TZtfcKGmZbADqYA3mXMFGtHPhjkvP0P_15s/edit

[448] First time posting, Test Run