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I really like a lot of the imagery. I think my favorite part is "their mothers rot.... a velvet path; consider god - pulling the shawl tightly over my features and forgiving". I was thrown off by the formatting though. That may just be a personal preference, but it was the experience of one reader. It evoked a strong feeling of melancholy and autumn.

I like it a lot.

Analysis wise? I'm not sure what kind of feedback to give other than "it's good" lol.

It makes me think about how things are in flux, which is the point I suppose. The choice of imagery is just what I like, personally; understated and striking. I feel that a good poem should have a strong feeling and strong beat so that you're left with something like a fine wine; delicate flavours, subtle aromas - easily missed by thinking too hard about it.

I find it hard to stop reading it because the feeling of it is oddly comforting, to me.

It feels like it's about something strange but also inevitable. God represents the timeless truth and the changing of the seasons often represents inevitability. God may also represent something like a judgment too, perhaps?

It feels that when you go through the change of the seasons you simply see all the death and decay for what it is; part of a larger picture, a timeless truth. The tightening of the shawl seems to me to be the crux; readying yourself, without fighting, for that which is inevitable - age, death, decay.

I think that perhaps the trees are above all of it? They are above all of the rot and decay of the ground below, which most of the poem focuses on. Perhaps it seems that the trees are too high and lofty for their own good? They do not engage in the "Mystery of Decay" which follows with the changing of the seasons? No new life without death?

The beat is good too, which I like.

Kinda just make me want to write a poem lol, the beat especially.

Hope that's interesting and/or helpful.

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captivating language

I really love this

To me this poem seems to be about you being ashamed of something but learning to grow past it and forgive yourself, although I'm not too certain.

I really love how you set up the tone by describing a forest that is dulling so beautifully! I also really like the ending and how it circles back to the beginning in a way that closes the poem off :)

love this piece and glad i jumped back on this forum in time to see it

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imo cut the 2nd line and its winner all-round, i love the dead seasons enjambment, but i like seasons by itself more for some reason. v exciting to see your voice lose that xtremely neat affectation and not lose its magical properties

This is interesting but I would like to see it properly formatted to get the full impact. Never rush to pub!

The imagery’s good!

I can see you aren’t going for proper punctuation and grammar, but just so people know, (as in the first and second lines) when you use an em dash to separate a section of the sentence you (usually) shouldn’t go into the separation with an em dash and come out with a comma (and vice versa).

The transitions are a little cumbersome (from the images to “i am learning” to “consider god”