Need advice on how to leave abusive marriage

Salaam,

I've been having a lot of issues around trust and respect since the beginning of my marriage 4 months ago. It all escalated when we had a really large argument -- when I tried to leave, he hit me and didn't let me leave. Since then, I've tried to reconcile and took all the advice both families have given (i.e. ignore what he says, visit family more, do more things outside, try to be patient). Since then, we've had so many arguments that I de-escalate or prevent from happening by not pushing/responding.

The most recent incident is what spilled over to a fight last night that got extremely heated. I told him (a few days ahead) I wanted to celebrate my female friends birthday with her. Nothing fancy, catching up at her house and then going to dinner with her and 2 other female friends. When I was there, he kept "checking in" on me, trying to make dinner plans the same night (even though I had dinner plans with said friends). Eventually, he blows up my phone while it was in my bag and when I texted asking whats up, he said he's now in the city and needs a ride (we live 1 hr train ride from the city). At no point during his check-in texts did he mention coming to the city. When he asked, I was too far, driving, and with my friend who I was dropping home and was already on the way to her place. I didn't pick him up and told him to get home the same way he got to the city.

When I got home, I was upset and told him that he is wrong for a) going to the city without telling me and then expecting me to rush to him and b) for blowing up my phone when he knew exactly what I was doing and with who.

The following morning was fine, he didnt say anything else or mention anything. We went to my parent's house that evening to visit my sister's newborn. On the way back, I guess he was in a really bad mood and he was speeding, I repeatedly asked him to slow down, and he wouldnt. Things escalated -- he threw the food my mom packed for me out the window while going 90 mph, while grabbing it he yanked it from my hand so hard his hand hit my face. I agree it was an accident -- after that he freaked out screaming at the top of my lungs that I need to get out of his life, he's done with me, I caused him depression. He called me every curse and insult under the sun and told me "Wallahi this is over, we are done. get your s*** and get out of my house".

I am not staying in this abusive marriage any longer. His family got involved and in front of his family, he claims he wants to work on the marriage. I played the voice memo i recorded of him screaming, and no one gives a damn. I said thats not the first time he screamed at me like that, the last time he did, I said if he did it again, I'm out.

My family is telling me to be patient and make it work. His family is saying the same. He is playing the victim 1000% saying he's making the marriage work as well. I'm not willing to waste another moment of my life with him. I feel as though I've given him multiple chances. You can read through my post prior to this for additional context.

Also, we are not legally married. He told me he filed the paperwork but later on revealed that he didnt actually follow up. So the only thing binding us is Islamically. I deferred my mahr so the only exchange there was is the gold, which I am happy to return.

I know I am in an abusive marriage and I need to get out. I dont know how to do that.